Carl's Corner... Part X

The night of the reopening of Carl's Corner was not exactly going smoothly when we left our story.

Allan, the idiot cook had cracked his head open when I caught him smoking pot in the kitchen and now, Josef, the Serbian bouncer was as mad as a wet setting hen....at ME!

Back To Our Story.......

I was on one knee in the parking lot laughing like a damned fool as Josef came at me.

"Wait a second big guy!" I shouted.

He stopped.

"Look dude, I'm sorry...I'm not laughin' at you." I said, standing up.

"Vaht you laughing at?" he demanded angrily.

I thought carefully before I spoke.

“You speak Serbian or whatever the hell it is you speak right?” I asked.

“Vaht dat haf to do with laughing?” he asked.

“Haven’t you ever heard someone speak Serbian when they don’t speak it well?” I asked.

He didn’t say a word.

I continued.

“Dude, you speak English pretty damned well but, when you get excited, you kind of screw it up sometimes.” I laughed. “You don’t put the words in the correct order sometimes and damn it, it’s a little funny!”

I’m not sure he actually followed my meaning exactly, but, at least he didn’t look as pissed as he once did.

I walked up to him and offered my hand.

Grudgingly, he shook it.

“Vaht I say dats so damned funny?” he asked. A slight smile appeared on his face.

“Well, for one thing, you said that I was 'fucking you right up your assole!'” I laughed.

A light went on and I could see him begin soften a bit. He looked a little sheepish.

"You've gotta agree big guy, you understand English a hell of lot better than you speak it." I said.

"Yah vell maybe so I must guess." he said.

I could tell he was still not real happy about the whold business but, I no longer thought he was going to rip my spleen out through my nose.

Just then Dex came walking up.

"Elizabeth is about to have a fit for ya'll to start playing again." he chuckled.

"Is she drunk?" I asked.

He laughed.

"We ARE talkin' about Liz here."

"Dat beautiful lady don should drink so very much." Josef said.

"Aw hell, she's just unhappy, lonely and horny." Dex said.

Josef smiled.

"I help vith the horny!" he said eagerly.

"She's too old for you Josef." I said.

"I like zee older voman....dey haff 'sperience and dey very happy to share it." he laughed.

Dex looked at me and grinned.

"Hell, Josef, you oughta put the moves on her...I'll bet she'd go for it in a heart beat!" he said. "She'd love your ass!"

"Is not my ass I vant her for to love!" he laughed.

"Well, do us all a favor big boy, go back in there and hang out with Elizabeth." I suggested. "You don't need to guard the door."

"I vill put moves on Elizabeth." he said as though he were taking on a mission.

"This oughta be fun to watch." Dex laughed. "I'll bet he goes home with her tonight."

I looked at Josef.

"Dude, if you can hook up with Liz....take the rest of the night off and get her the hell out of here." I told him.

Dex fired up a huge joint and we stood there in the parking lot laughing, smoking and talking.

When we'd finished, I had one hell of a buzz and we decided to go back in the club.

As soon as we walked up to the bar, Elizabeth started in.

"I ain't paying you fuckers to hang out in the gotdamned parking lot!" she snapped. She was obviously slipping into the 'hammered' zone.

Before I could say a word, Josef slid by me to stand beside her.

"I beg forgeevaness beautiful lady....iss all my fault." he said while grasping her hand.

She looked perplexed.

"I vas haffing talk vith my friends about you." he said.

"What about me?" she demanded.

He leaned closer to her.

"I vas telling zim zat I am attracted to you but....I tink it not my place to tell you so." he explained.

Well shit! She went from pissed to flattered in record time!

Cary Grant didn't have shit on ole Josef.

He continued his charm attack.

"If I haff offended you, I vill now say goodbye." he added.

He even kissed her hand and did one of those European 'head nod' things!

This big sumbitch was smooth.

Liz was mesmerized.

I looked at Dex.

He was grinning.

I had never really thought about it before then but, Josef looked a bit like the old actor Claude Akins except for the fact that he was huge! You couldn't call him handsome I guess but, Elizabeth was looking at him like he was Sean friggin' Connery.

She seemed to sober up and a big smile flashed across her face.

"Offended me?" she asked increduously. "I'm flattered Josef."

She then looked at me.

"I'm not telling you how to do your job Ron but, shouldn't you go play some music?" she asked sweetly.

"You're right Liz." I said. "Josef, why don't ya'll get to know each other?"

Dex looked at me and whispered.

"Ah...young love.'' he chuckled.

I left the two love birds at the bar and went in search of Tony who was busy chatting with the little Asian girl he’d met earlier.

“Do you think you can tear yourself away for a little while?” I asked sarcastically.

He introduced me to Betty Lou.

Yep, that was her name. Call me racist but, I was expecting an Oriental name but nope…she was Betty Lou.

“Betty Lou?” I asked as I shook her hand.

She flashed a genuine smile at me.

“You were expecting Sun Li or Yung Chi or maybe….” She laughed.

“Ok, sorry….guilty as charged…I’m a dumbass.” I admitted.

“Not a problem dude…I thought your name would be Gomer, or Jethro, or maybe…” she began.

“Hey!” I laughed. “I said I’m sorry.”

“Just messin’ with you dude. Its ok.” She said.

We left her still laughing at me and made our way back to the stage.

I remember distinctly that the first song we played was, “Help Me Hold On” by Travis Tritt and I’ll be damned if the first couple on the dance floor wasn't Liz and Josef! They looked like newlyweds out there on the dance floor swaying and staring into each others eyes.

As we played the final notes, I leaned over and told Tony that we should play another slow song because there were at least a dozen couples dancing at the time.

He agreed.

Just as the last note ended, we started into “Do You Believe Me Now” by Vern Gosden and the dancers kept dancing.

Halfway through the song I saw a guy walk in the bar.

It was David…..Elizabeth’s ex-husband.

He walked through the small crowd on the dance floor with his eyes never leaving Elizabeth and Josef.

Once at the bar he ordered a drink from Carla, picked it up, sat down in Elizabeth’s place and stared at her.

Apparently, Liz wanted to yank David's chain so, she began kissing and fondling Josef.

Of course, he reciprocated enthusiastically!

I hadn’t seen David since that night over a month ago when he had shown up unexpectedly and had shown his ass in Liz’s office.

We finished the song and Josef led Elizabeth by the hand back to the bar.

I watched as Elizabeth looked at David and motioned for him to get off of her barstool. He stared at Josef and reluctantly got up. He then finished his drink and slammed his glass down on the bar.

He said something angrily then turned and walked back to the other room towards the rest room.

Tony and I cranked up another song which I remember vividly.

We wanted to do something up tempo to change the mood. The song was "Paradise" by John Prine.

A few minutes into the song, I saw David walking back into the main room. He was obviously headed to the bar.

I could also see that he had a gun in his left hand!

Before I could even process the thought, he walked up to Elizabeth and leveled the gun at her!

Evidently, he squeezed the trigger and his arm flew up as though the gun had fired but….I didn't hear a sound! Apparently, he had anticipated the recoil even though the gun hadn't actually fired.

He took a step back and worked the slide on the automatic he was carrying.

I stopped playing immediately.

Tony, who rarely looked up while playing, kept on playing for a second before he too, stopped playing abruptly.

There was an eerie silence for a second until a loud explosion filled the club.

I was looking at Elizabeth.

I suppose, in my mind's eye, I fully expected to see her get blown off of the barstool.

Screams and commotion filled the bar and, honestly, I didn’t know what the hell was going on.

As the cliche goes.........time just sort of slowed down.

Elizabeth was still sitting there although she had a strange look on her face.

Josef had wrapped her in his huge arms and was still holding her as my eyes turned beyond them and settled on Dex.

He was standing there with a big pistol in his hands.

I remember thinking that he looked just like a cop.

Well shit…..he was a cop!!

Only then did my gaze drop to the floor where I saw David laying there. He was rolling from side to side moaning loudly and grasping his chest.

Son of a bitch!

Dex had shot the asshole.

Being from the TV generation, I unhooked my guitar, place it on the stand and stepped down off the stage. I rushed to the bar expecting someone to yell “CUT” or.....go to a commercial break to break the reality of the situation but no……none of that took place.

This shit was really happening!

As I reached the prostrate body of David, he rolled onto his back…….and died.

Loudly.

He exhaled a huge breath of air and made a sound that sounded like a clogged drain finally releasing.

Sort of a loud “glug”.

It was extremely surreal.

As I knelt down to check him out, Dex rushed over and pushed me away.

“Get the fuck out of the way!” he shouted.

He grabbed David’s wrist then placed a finger on his neck for a second or two.

Dex looked up at Elizabeth.

“He’s dead Liz.” His voice was shaky.

All of the sudden, there was a noise I couldn’t quite make out. I was standing three feet away from David and, I thought for a second that he was still alive.

He wasn’t.

The sound I heard was his bowels releasing and suddenly, the bar was filled with a God awful smell!

Dex promptly threw up on the floor and the crowd, including me, ran out the front door!

As I stood outside, I remember thinking that I had just seen a man killed but, the only thing that had made me freak out completely was the fact that he had shit himself!

How damned bizarre is that?

Believe it or not, I continued to play and manage Carl's for almost a year and a half AFTER that night!

Yep...I'm a moron.

Side Note:

I'll probably write about the remainder of my time at Carl's in future stories because, quite frankly, Carl's was a 'story rich' environment but, for now....I'll just say that it was a wild and wooly place to play!