Carl's Corner... Part XI

To all of you who raised hell at me for the last installment of “Carl’s Corner”…..I’m friggin’ sorry!

Thanks for the comments guys and gals!

The truth is that my time at “The Corner” lasted for well over a year and a half. During that time, I can recall some very strange events which, since ya’ll don’t seem to mind…I will continue to relate.

I was telling Michelle, the precious wife, about how some of ya’ll were giving me hell about ending the story so abruptly.

She hadn’t read the last installment until this morning. Once she finished it, she turned to me and said, I quote,

“Honey, that was great but there’s no way you’re going to end it there…ARE YOU?”

My answer?

No Ma’am.

So...We Go Back To The Story........

As we all stood around in the parking lot, I realized that Dex, Liz and Josef were still inside the bar. I really didn’t want to do so but, I felt like I needed to go back inside and see what the hell was going on.

To my everlasting astonishment, Elizabeth was standing behind the bar, pouring a drink and laughing about something. David’s body was still lying on the floor but someone had covered him up with a table cloth.

Thankfully, the smell had dissipated a bit.

I walked to the bar to where Dex and Josef sat.

“Are you ok dude?” I asked Dex.

He looked at me.

“Twenty years as a cop and that’s the first time I ever shot somebody.” He looked tired. “I’ve shot AT some people but, never actually hit ‘em.”

I felt sorry for him. I reached out and patted him on the shoulder.

“Man that’s gotta be rough but, you didn’t have a choice Dex, he was gonna kill Liz.” I said.

He looked up at me as though I was an idiot.

“Rough?” He snapped. “Fuck that prick, he was a piece of shit! You cannot IMAGINE the fuckin’ bullshit I’m gonna have to go through because of that shit!” He pointed to David’s body.

Damn! That son of bitch had just snuffed out a man’s life and he was pissed about the paper work!

“Damn Dex….that’s cold dude.” I said.

“Fuck him!” he said.

Elizabeth slid a Kamikazi towards me.

“It’s a double.” She grinned. “Looks like you could use it.”

She was right. I tossed it back and slid the glass back to her.

“That tastes just like another one please.” I told her.

I have to admit, I was shaken. While I had seen some bad shit in my time, I had never, at that point in my life, ever seen someone killed in front of me.

My hands were shaking.

“Well, you’re taking this well Liz.” I said sarcastically.

She chuckled.

“Fuck that sumbitch!” she spat. “Dex saved me a gotdamned bullet.”

Suddenly, the front window filled with twirling blue lights. Sirens were screaming and a steady procession of cops and EMS personnel came rushing in.

One of the paramedics rushed to the body and pulled back the table cloth.

“He’s dead guys, don’t waste your time.” Dex said, flashing his badge.

An older grey haired cop walked up to Dex.

“Are you the shooter Dex?” he asked calmly.

“Yeah, I shot him.” He said flatly.

“Is everybody here ok?” the cop asked.

We all just looked at him but no one said a word until Liz spoke up.

“That motherfucker on the floor is having a bad night but, the rest of us are doin’ just fine!” She laughed. Liz was getting a BIG buzz.

“And who might you be?” the cop asked her.

“I MIGHT be the one layin' under that fucking table cloth but ole Dex drilled his ass first.” She said.

The old cop looked weary.

“Who is that guy?” he asked, pointing to the body.

“He WAS my ex husband.” She snapped. “Now he’s a stinkin' gotdamned corpse and don’t ya’ll think that I’m payin’ for his fuckin’ funeral!”

Josef stood up, reached out and grabbed Liz’z wrist.

“Shut up pretty lady.” He said.

Liz started to say something but Josef beat her to the draw.

“Elizeeabeth, say not one more vord!” he growled.

The old cop looked at Liz.

“He’s offering you good advice lady….you ought to listen to him.” He said. “Who runs this place?”

“I do.” I said.

“This is MY gotdamned place!” Elizabeth shouted.

Unbelievably, Josef reached across the bar, grabbed Liz under both arms and LIFTED her from behind the bar! I don’t think her legs ever touched the bar. He promptly sat her down on his lap.

“Shut up your fuckin’ mouth!” he shouted.

She never said a word after that.

The cop looked me up and down.

“You wanna step outside and talk?” he asked.

“Sure.” I answered.

He then looked at Dex.

“I’m gonna have to take your gun and badge Dex.” He stated. “You can come outside with us.”

Dex surrendered his weapon and badge.

I held up a finger to the cop in the international sign for wait a second as I snapped up the Kamikaze on the bar and quickly downed it.

“I wish you hadn’t done that sir.” The old guy said.

“Yeah well, I wish the fuck I’d never taken this damned job.” I snarled while looking at Liz.

We went outside and I told him my version of what had taken place. Dex had been escorted to a cruiser where he sat on the trunk while I was being interviewed.

After I had finished explaining things to Lt. Clark….(that was his name)…he said something I will never forget.

“You’re damned lucky Dex didn’t shoot him with his .44 magnum.” he chuckled. "That's what he carries on duty."

I asked him what he meant.

“According to your account of the shooting, you were directly behind the victim when he was shot.” He said.

“Yeah..he was right in front of me. Fifteen or twenty feet away.” I answered.

“The victim was hit dead center in the chest. Chances are, a .44 magnum would have passed clean through him and hit you or your partner.” He explained.

Well damn!!

I was speechless.

There had been times that I had been in extreme danger in my life but, I had never seen a man killed nor had I been ‘in the line of fire’ as I had been that night. Hell, I had been blown off a porch with a .410 shotgun by a drug crazed friend but, I’d never seen anything like I had witnessed that night!

Suddenly, I felt very, VERY tired.

Lt. Clark told me to shut the place down which, of course, I did.

Everyone cleared out. They removed David’s body and I locked the place up tightly.

Several us were at the police station that night during which time, I answered the exact same questions at least ten times.

Shortly before 5:00 am, Lt. Clark entered the room where I was waiting and told me that I was free to go. I thanked him.

“Well, it looks like Dex shot him straight up. Nothing else he could have done.” He said.

“Yeah, that’s the way I saw it.” I said.

“Well, go on home and we’ll be in touch.” He told me.

I suddenly realized that I was miles from home with no car.

“How am I supposed to get home?” I asked.

“I’ll drive you back to get your car.” He told me.

He dropped me off at Carl’s where I had left my car. I drove home, took a shower and fell into bed. It took me just about two seconds to go to sleep.

I awoke at two pm because someone was knocking on my door. Grudgingly, I crawled out of bed, stumbled to the door and demanded to know who in hell had disturbed my much needed slumber.

You guessed it. It was Elizabeth.

I let her in.

“Did I wake you?” she asked.

“Yeah, you did but, I needed to get up pretty soon anyway.” I said testily.

“My, my, aren’t we in a bad mood?” she said. “What time did you get home?”

“Around five thirty. How about you?” I asked. “They kept me away from everyone else. I never saw you, Tony, Dex, Josef or Patsy.”

“That’s strange, they let me and Josef go around three.” She told me.

“Hell, I wonder why they kept me longer than ya’ll?” I pondered out loud.

“I don’t know, probably because you spoke up and said you were the one in charge.” She said haughtily.

“Yeah well, I was in charge.” I said defensively.

She went to the kitchen.

“Have you got any coffee?” She asked.

“Nope, I don’t drink coffee.” I said.

“You’re a fuckin’ barbarian.” She laughed.

“So….why are you here visiting the barbarian?” I asked.

She looked at me.

“Is it true that you told Josef to hit on me?” she asked with strange look on her face.

“Yeah, I suppose I did.” I admitted.

She smiled.

“Well, I guess I owe you one!” she said. “That funny talkin’ sumbitch rode me like a rented mule all night!”

“Jeez Liz….I could have gone all year without hearing that!” I laughed. “Too much friggin’ info there darlin’.”

“Oh lighten up… old crazy broads need love too.” She grinned.

“Elizabeth, do you, by any chance, happen to remember that your ex husband got killed last night?” I was incredulous at her happy state of mind.

“Fuck that dead sumbitch!” she snarled.

I went to the refrigerator and grabbed a Mountain Dew.

“Did you ever love him?” I asked.

She pondered the question for a second.

“Yeah, I suppose I did for a few months but, let me tell you something young fella.” She glared at me. “It is true that love never dies but, it can damn sure be killed! David killed any love I ever had for him a long time ago.”

I considered what she had said for a moment.

“That’s a pretty damned profound statement for a crazy old broad.” I admitted. “What set him off last night?”

“He came to me for more money the other day and I finally cut him off. He threatened me with the same old blackmail shit but, I finally had the goods on his ass!” she laughed.

“I thought he you told me that he had the upper hand on you.” I said.

“Yeah, he did for a while but, someone, I’m sure I can’t guess who, broke into his house and stole his evidence against me.” She winked at me. “What a lucky break for me huh?”

“Oh yeah….lucky break.” I laughed.

“The kicker was when I told him I knew all about his little affair with an underage girl who lived next door to him.” She grinned. “I had him cold and he snapped I guess.”

“You’re lucky he didn’t try and shoot you with a revolver.” I said. “You’d be the dead one now.”

“That stupid fucker couldn’t hit a bull in the ass with bass fiddle.” She chuckled. “Fucker couldn’t shoot straight for shit.”

I laughed and sat on the sofa.

“You still haven’t told me why you’re here Liz.”

“I wanted to see when you were planning on opening up the club.” She said.

“I’m gonna call Patsy and get her to arrange for someone to clean up the mess David left. We can reopen tomorrow as far as I’m concerned.” I told her.

“Shit, if that’s all you’re worried about, I’ll get someone over there right now and you can be opened at five o’clock today.” She told me.

“So much for a day of mourning for old David huh?” I laughed. “Go ahead…I’ll call Patsy and let her know.”

“Thanks for not arguing with me.” She said. “I need to start makin’ some money off that sumbitch.”

“Ok, not a problem. I’ll call Josef and make sure he’ll be there.” I said.

“No need for that, he’s at my place.” She grinned. “Poor boy needed some rest after all the effort he put out last night.”

“Yeah….poor boy.” I laughed.

“I’ve gotta go take care of things….and, of course, Josef.” She shot me a sly grin. “I might be a little late getting there.”

“Hell, hang out with Josef…..we’ll be alright without him….and you.” I laughed.

She walked to the door and opened it.

“I’ll be there…I don’t think poor Josef can handle much more today!” she winked. "It ain't like we're gonna do any talkin'! I can hardly understand a fuckin' word he says!"

She left and I had no sooner shut the door when Tony called.

“Hey man….what are you gonna do tonight?” he asked.

“I’m gonna do the same thing you are…I’m going to Carl’s.” I told him. “We’re gonna pick and grin a bit.”

“You’ve gotta be shittin’ me!” he said.

“No, actually I hadn’t planned on opening tonight but Liz was just here and she said she needed to start making some money so….I told her I’d be there.” I explained.

“Man, ah don think ahmup t’goin back air yet!” he mumbled. (translation: Man, I don’t think I’m up to going back there yet.)

“Yeah well, you better be there.” I laughed. “The show must go on dude. Man up!”

“Come on man…..” he began.

“Tony, you do what you wanna do but I’m tellin’ you, if you don’t show up tonight, Liz is gonna be pissed.” I explained.

“Screw her.” He snapped.

“Actually….I think Josef is handling that as we speak so….I’ll see you there at 8:00.” I laughed. “You better be there Tony.”

“Sumbitch, I’ll be there I guess.” He mumbled as he hung up the phone.

To Be Continued Ya’ll…..

Tune in tomorrow when you will hear about a guy named Eddie Snow....the most obnoxious piece of shit I've ever met.