Carl's Corner... Part XII

I started this latest installment around eight p.m. tonight but, unfortunately, life got in the way! I’ll have to remember to tell ya’ll about it later but, suffice to say…I have been preoccupied tonight!

Michelle and I have been laughing our asses off recalling this tale and, last but not least, I have been writing article content for my real job all day so….I’m tired of typing!!

My old hands are aching like I need to pop a pain pill……SOON!

Please forgive the short nature of this post but……I’m typed out, laughed out and just plain exhausted tonight.

I hope ya’ll find this short installment as funny as Michelle and I did. I wish ya’ll could know Tony…that little fucker is FUNNY!

I hope ya’ll agree.

Back To The Story………………

True to her word, Elizabeth orchestrated the cleaning of Carl’s and, when I got there at a little past 7:30 pm; the place was back to normal.

Patsy was seated at the bar in her customary seat, Carla was behind the bar, there were a few dozen patrons hanging out and, oh by the way…..there were no congealed bodily fluids visible, or….smell-able on the new hardwood floor.

Elizabeth was nowhere to be found and, of course, Josef was absent as well. I was shocked….SHOCKED I tell you!

Who’da thunk it?

To my surprise, before I could reach the bar where I was going to talk to Patsy, Tony walked through the door. I saw him walk to the spot where David had gone to visit that, big Asshole Convention in the sky and stare at the floor.

He just stared at the spot.

I walked over to him.

“Hey dude. Glad to see you’re here!” I said.

He didn’t even acknowledge my presence for a minute or so.

He simply stared at the floor.

Finally, he turned to me.

“Man, ahain’ nevgonna forget tha shitmyan.” He mumbled. (Translation: Man, I ain’t ever gonna forget that shit man.)

“Yeah, me either.” I said. “But….he was an asshole!”

He looked at me with a strange look on his face. It looked as though he was smelling a big, steaming pile of dog shit.

“What the fuck do you reckon that sumbitch ate for dinner that night?” he asked.

“What?” I asked.

I was befuddled at the question.

“That sumbitch smelled like a fuckin’ sewer when he crapped his pants!” he said. “Ahain nevsmelled noshi lahk at bufore.” (Translation: “I ain’t never smelled no shit like that before!”)

I thought I was gonna fall over laughing at him.

He looked at me.

“I’m serious man….it’s bad enough that your dumbass get’s killed because you are too fuckin’ stupid to fire a pistol that a gotdamned retarded monkey could shoot!” He shook his head and chuckled. “On top of THAT….. as your last act on earth……. you SHIT your fuckin’ pants in public!”

I was laughing even harder now.

He looked me in the eyes with a serious look on his face.

“You know…..God must have REALLY HATED that stupid mutherfucker!” He said with a laugh.

I almost passed out on the exact spot that ole David had died on the night before!!!

“Shut the hell up!” I said breathlessly.

“I’m just saying man……that’s fucked up!” he said. “He was an asshole OK…..but DAMN dude…..Charlie friggin’ Manson shouldn’t be required to shit his fuckin’ pants in PUBLIC on his way out of this world….that’s just fucked up!

I staggered away laughing, leaving him still staring at the floor.

I couldn’t take it anymore!

I walked over to the bar.

“What’s so funny?” Patsy asked.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” I laughed.

“Try me.” She said.

I told her and, by the time I had finished telling her about it, she was laughing hysterically.

Seconds later, Tony walked up to the bar and addressed Carla.

“Hey baby…let me get a couple of Mick Lite’s and a Kamikazi for me and Ron.” He said.

I turned around to tell Carla that I didn’t really want a Kamikazi just then but, before I could say anything, Tony continued…..

“I’m hungry Carla….but…I’ve gotta ask…….did David eat anything here last night?”

Patsy and I damn near died!

Carla looked at us as if we were insane.

She ignored us and answered his question.

“No…..in fact, he told me he’d die before he ever ate here.” She said.

Patsy and I fell into each others arms laughing.

Tony looked at us and said…….

“Well……..” He smiled. “I guess that sumbitch got ONE fuckin' thing right before he took that last big shit in his pants!”

Patsy and I pounded the bar!

I thought I was gonna pass out!

To Be Continued Tomorrow………..sorry ya’ll, I’m tired!

I didn't get to the Eddie Snow thing but.....I will tomorrow.