Rons Rants

A Blog Is A Self-Inflicted Invasion Of Privacy

Location: Newland, North Carolina, United States

I'm a fifty two year old happily married man who doesn't really like many people which is why I live on the top of a mountain.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Farrah's Dead And I'm Not Feeling So Good Myself!!

I’m feeling a little old these days…..

Dear Lord…..all the wonderful characters I grew up watching are pretty much gone.

Everyone is talking about Michael Jackson dying and yes….he was a truly incredible talented artist/pedophile but damn folks….

Farrah Fawcett died this week!! She was 62 freakin’ years old!!

Hell, I’m 54 and 62 years old sounds OLD to me! I’m officially old.

I actually met Farrah Fawcett in 1979 while playing at a private party in Hilton Head, SC….I think. It may well have been Savannah, Georgia but, I think it was Hilton Head.

True Story….

My band was playing at this HUGE house on the ocean…I swear it was Hilton Head…but anyway, we were playing out by the pool which was roughly the same size as the Dead Sea when I saw her walking down the stairs.

DAMN was she ever gorgeous. I’m telling you….it must have been 95 degrees and cloudless but the place got brighter when she walked down to the pool in a yellow bikini.

Not the famous one piece deal but a freakin’ BIKINI! Man……she was beautiful.

She was also pretty damned drunk/stoned/or something.

We were in the middle of a song which we kept playing but all of us exchanged looks as she got closer to the stage area.

She was doing that semi-sexy, semi-ridiculous, totally predictable “drunk girl at the party” dance as she made her way to a table right in front of us. I couldn’t believe my eyes….did I mention that she was beautiful?

Anyway….the lady who hired us came running up to me as we finished the song and motioned for me to lean down.

She grabbed my head, pulled me down and whispered in my ear.

“That’s Farrah Fawcett….introduce her to everyone.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You gotta be shittin’ me.” I stood up and pointed. “Look at those people lady….she ain’t goin’ unnoticed!”

“Introduce her damn it!!” She demanded.

Well hell……she was the boss.

I remember looking back at my Uncle Bill who was playing with me that day. He was grinning from ear to ear.

“What the hell should I say?” I asked.

Without missing a beat, Bill grinned and growled.

“Tell Farrah that I’m hung like a plow mule and extremely discreet!”

I damn near fell over laughing.

After I finally recovered, I cleared my throat and decided to wing it.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, for those of you who are either blind, retarded or not actually here at the moment….would you please notice that Farrah Fawcett is sitting twenty feet away from me!”

Farrah hopped out of her chair, ran to the stage and before I knew it, she was standing right beside me! She leaned in toward the mic and her famous hair brushed my shoulder. She was a short little thing so, being the consummate gentleman, I moved in to adjust the height of the microphone. She moved back a bit and waited until I had lowered the mic before she move toward it again and then…..something magical happened.

Something that NO ONE will ever take away from me!

As my right hand moved away from the mic stand and she leaned forward to speak to the crowd, the back of my hand came into contact with her left breast!!!

She turned and looked at me with that famous sexy smile. Eight acres of perfect teeth damned near floored me as she laughed.

“You did that on purpose!”

I’d love to say that I was all suave and confident in my reply but I’d be lying my ass off.

I pretty much just stood there like a moron and grinned like a…..well, like a moron.

She said hello to the crowd and wished them all a good time. As she turned to walk away, she turned back, grabbed the mic and spoke again.

“Let’s hear it for the band!” She shouted.

The crowd cheered enthusiastically then she turned quickly and kissed me flush on the lips!!!

In front of God and everybody!!

I’d love to continue this tale but….that’s pretty much where it ends.

Before we were through with the set….she was gone.

I never saw her again.

But…..I did get a kiss from one of the most beautiful women ever born.

So……..even though Ed McMahon and Michael Jackson passed away this week……you will forgive me if I choose to think about America’s poster girl.

RIP Farrah.


Blogger Assrot said...

It's a good thing MJ didn't show up and you weren't 12 years old. He'd have probably felt your breast and gave you a kiss.

As for Farrah, I still have my poster of her in the red swimsuit. She was fine wasn't she?

RIP to both Farah and Michael.


6/29/2009 5:18 PM  
Blogger Noel said...

Oh yeah? Well I met her and she kissed me too!
(In my dreams!!)

6/29/2009 9:12 PM  
Blogger Jean said...

Only you, darlin'. Only you would have a story like that. I love it.
But...I hate that she's gone.

Now, you go take care of yourself so you can keep coming back here and continue to enchant us! ♥

6/29/2009 9:49 PM  
Blogger the walking man said...

Great Tale of life.

6/30/2009 4:43 AM  
Blogger Dan O. said...

Farrah 62? Sad to hear about her when she got ill. She put up a fight though.

That's a great story you have about her!

I think I still have that poster around, too.

The news I hear all the time, that makes me feel old, is on the classic rock station. The mid-day DJ gives b'days of the rockers and how old they are. Jeff Beck turned 65 last week. Just damn.

7/01/2009 11:43 AM  
Blogger rockync said...

I'm glad you have a Farrah story to tell, I think she got gyped by Michael having the bad taste to die at the same time.

7/01/2009 4:28 PM  
Blogger Jean said...

*knock*knock*knock* helloooooooo...

10/03/2009 10:15 AM  

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