Life In A Tourist Town
Living in a tourist area does have it's draw backs. One of the worst being SLOW drivers. I once had some bumper stickers made up with a picture of Elmer Fudd and the message read, "It's tourist season in the High Country....Got AMMO?" All the locals wanted them!
Now, I realize that the average age of our tourists in the summer is DEAD and that the old farts are on vacation but DAMN they ought to have the decency to pull off the side of the road when they are doing 25 mph in 55 mph zone with twenty cars behind them who actually need to get somewhere!! I've put up with it for 20 yrs and it really gets old.
Having said that:
I was driving to my office this morning, minding my own business and enjoying the gorgeous morning when all of a sudden, a car pulled onto the road in front of me. Never mind that I was doing the speed limit, 55 mph, and I was only 50 yards away from the moron who pulled out in my way...hell, that's why God made brakes. What REALLY chapped my ass was that aforementioned moron decided to drive at about 30 mph, oblivious to the traffic building up behind him. For the next seven miles, approximately fifteen vehicles followed this asshat while he blissfully performed a freakin' running road block! As we came into the Linville area where the road turns into two lanes and the speed limit goes down to 25 mph, this jerk speeds up to 45 mph at which time I punch my Suburban and pass him on the right, get ahead of him and switch back into the left lane AHEAD of him. Hah! Since it was a cool morning I had the window down so I clearly heard the idiot man lay down on his horn, scream something and, of course, in my rear view mirror, I see him give me the obligatory moron salute with his middle finger!At this point, I did something I can't believe I actually DID.
I rolled to a stop at the intersection, put my car in park, got out and walked back to the moron's car. Fortunately, it was a much older man than myself so I reined in my temper but I still walked up to his window and said....and I quote:
"Mister, with all due respect for your age and obviously limited IQ, I'm not going to drag your sorry ass out of your car and humiliate you in front of all these people. I wouldn't have passed you if you weren't doing twenty five mph BELOW the speed limit and holding up traffic! You oughta thank your lucky stars you're not twenty years younger or I'd break that finger off and shove it up your ass!"
HE says, "Well you broke the law!"
I said, "You did too by driving twenty five mph UNDER the speed limit and if you ever flip me off again, I'm gonna go to Hickory, get my old man and have him stomp a mudhole in your ass!! Now, unlike you, I've gotta get to work! Remember what I told you."
As I walked back to my car, I looked back and saw the people in the car behind the aged idiot. They were laughing their asses off, applauding and giving me the thumbs up. I took a dramatic bow, got back in and drove off.
Actually, I thought I'd feel better about it than I did but...I didn't. I'm really sort of ashamed of myself but damn it...people don't get called on their bullshit in this day and age. That's why they keep showing their asses and being rude.
I'm still not real proud of it but, it was funny as hell to see that cantankerous old Yankee bastard's face!
You may be asking how I knew he was a Yankee. Well, because they all are! We call the summer oldsters "Floridiots" because they are cheap, rude, winter in Florida, summer here and they all sound like someone off the Soprano's!
But still...I won't be doing that again...maybe. It wasn't as satifying as the time I was behind a dickhead in the express/cash only lane who had WAY more than the maximum number of items AND was gettin ready to write a freakin' check!
The young clerk looked at all of us waiting in as if to say, "what can I do?"
I asked the dickhead if he needed me to fill out the check for him. He of course, looked at me like I was crazy so I pointed to the sign and said, "Well, I just figured you can't read or you're freakin' blind!"
Everyone in line howled! Dickhead never said a word, set a land speed record for check writing and left in a huge hurry!
The clerk said, "I've been wondering how to handle that situation. Thanks."
Yep....I'm a cantankerous jerk sometimes.
Now, I realize that the average age of our tourists in the summer is DEAD and that the old farts are on vacation but DAMN they ought to have the decency to pull off the side of the road when they are doing 25 mph in 55 mph zone with twenty cars behind them who actually need to get somewhere!! I've put up with it for 20 yrs and it really gets old.
Having said that:
I was driving to my office this morning, minding my own business and enjoying the gorgeous morning when all of a sudden, a car pulled onto the road in front of me. Never mind that I was doing the speed limit, 55 mph, and I was only 50 yards away from the moron who pulled out in my way...hell, that's why God made brakes. What REALLY chapped my ass was that aforementioned moron decided to drive at about 30 mph, oblivious to the traffic building up behind him. For the next seven miles, approximately fifteen vehicles followed this asshat while he blissfully performed a freakin' running road block! As we came into the Linville area where the road turns into two lanes and the speed limit goes down to 25 mph, this jerk speeds up to 45 mph at which time I punch my Suburban and pass him on the right, get ahead of him and switch back into the left lane AHEAD of him. Hah! Since it was a cool morning I had the window down so I clearly heard the idiot man lay down on his horn, scream something and, of course, in my rear view mirror, I see him give me the obligatory moron salute with his middle finger!At this point, I did something I can't believe I actually DID.
I rolled to a stop at the intersection, put my car in park, got out and walked back to the moron's car. Fortunately, it was a much older man than myself so I reined in my temper but I still walked up to his window and said....and I quote:
"Mister, with all due respect for your age and obviously limited IQ, I'm not going to drag your sorry ass out of your car and humiliate you in front of all these people. I wouldn't have passed you if you weren't doing twenty five mph BELOW the speed limit and holding up traffic! You oughta thank your lucky stars you're not twenty years younger or I'd break that finger off and shove it up your ass!"
HE says, "Well you broke the law!"
I said, "You did too by driving twenty five mph UNDER the speed limit and if you ever flip me off again, I'm gonna go to Hickory, get my old man and have him stomp a mudhole in your ass!! Now, unlike you, I've gotta get to work! Remember what I told you."
As I walked back to my car, I looked back and saw the people in the car behind the aged idiot. They were laughing their asses off, applauding and giving me the thumbs up. I took a dramatic bow, got back in and drove off.
Actually, I thought I'd feel better about it than I did but...I didn't. I'm really sort of ashamed of myself but damn it...people don't get called on their bullshit in this day and age. That's why they keep showing their asses and being rude.
I'm still not real proud of it but, it was funny as hell to see that cantankerous old Yankee bastard's face!
You may be asking how I knew he was a Yankee. Well, because they all are! We call the summer oldsters "Floridiots" because they are cheap, rude, winter in Florida, summer here and they all sound like someone off the Soprano's!
But still...I won't be doing that again...maybe. It wasn't as satifying as the time I was behind a dickhead in the express/cash only lane who had WAY more than the maximum number of items AND was gettin ready to write a freakin' check!
The young clerk looked at all of us waiting in as if to say, "what can I do?"
I asked the dickhead if he needed me to fill out the check for him. He of course, looked at me like I was crazy so I pointed to the sign and said, "Well, I just figured you can't read or you're freakin' blind!"
Everyone in line howled! Dickhead never said a word, set a land speed record for check writing and left in a huge hurry!
The clerk said, "I've been wondering how to handle that situation. Thanks."
Yep....I'm a cantankerous jerk sometimes.
posted by Rantin' Ron | 3:21 PM
2 Comments:
This site is one of the best I have ever seen, wish I had one like this.
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I gotta send LL over to read this one:)
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