The Double L Club And Me....Part II
Due to the underwhelming number of visitors to my blog who may not have read the beginning of this saga, I have a bit of advice....BOTH of you may want to scroll down or look down the left side "Archive" section of the site for the first installment of this tale. It will make following this bizarre yarn a bit easier BUT......I doubt it.
Part II continues...
There was, to say the least, a bit of tension in the room but, being that it was a HUGE freakin' room, it dissapated quickly. Much like a fart in a windstorm.
Franny hugged me, wrapped her arm around my waist and gave Stephie a look that would wither granite.
"Ron and I are going out to the pool Steph... you can come along or you can stay here and pout. I really don't care which."
Stephie had a look on her face that was somewhere between that of a constipated monkey and that "worried gerbil" lookin' chick on the TV series, "24".
Holy shit! What the hell was I getting into?
I knew damned well that I was being used as the catalyst for a world class Cat Fight, after which, there would be an incredibly hot "make up" scene in which, of course, I would NOT be a participant but DAMN.....what's a guy to do? Did I mention that Franny was friggin' HOT?
I was in typical "GUY" mode.....
I was a veritable heat seeking moisture missle.....as long as there was a gorgeous woman, it was, at the very least, possible that I was gonna get laid!
I was like the Little Engine that could....."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can......."
I told Franny I needed to get my guitar out of my car but promised that I would be back shortly. She frowned and said she would be waiting by the pool....naked. Sweet Jesus!
You know, it's amazing how fast a guitar can be retrieved from a vehicle when the picker is sufficiently motivated.
As I was closing the door of my car having just removed my guitar, I heard the crunch of snow behind me. I turned to see Stephie standing less than six feet away and to my left, between me and the house.
I was startled and stepped back a bit.
It was damned lucky for me that I did step back because that carpet munchin' broad threw a right cross that Roberto friggin' Duran would have been proud of!
Thankfully, she missed. And, due to the icy condition of the driveway, her momentum led her to perform an impromptu double axel after which, she busted her shapely ass on the asphalt. It must have been below zero and the driveway was frozen solid. It HAD to have hurt like hell.
Lord, you would have thought that she had broken her arm...oh wait...actually, the dumb dyke HAD broken her arm! She lay there crying and intermitantly, SCREAMING her friggin' lungs out!
I remember thinking.... "Dear God.....if you really love me, KILL ME NOW!!"
In a moment that will live in my memory until I draw my last breath, I heard these words....
Side Note: Have I mentioned that I'm not making this shit up?
Just checking....
"You fucking bastard...I'm gonna make you my BITCH! Franny's MINE!!"
To Be Continued.......again.
(Sorry, it's almost 1:00 a.m. and Michelle isn't feeling well....must be from working ME to death in the yard today! Not really, she does all the hard work. She's just having a "down" day from the chemo treatment. Nothing major...please GOD..... just a bit "whipped"
feeling.)
I'll try and get this damned thing finished tomorrow.
Part II continues...
There was, to say the least, a bit of tension in the room but, being that it was a HUGE freakin' room, it dissapated quickly. Much like a fart in a windstorm.
Franny hugged me, wrapped her arm around my waist and gave Stephie a look that would wither granite.
"Ron and I are going out to the pool Steph... you can come along or you can stay here and pout. I really don't care which."
Stephie had a look on her face that was somewhere between that of a constipated monkey and that "worried gerbil" lookin' chick on the TV series, "24".
Holy shit! What the hell was I getting into?
I knew damned well that I was being used as the catalyst for a world class Cat Fight, after which, there would be an incredibly hot "make up" scene in which, of course, I would NOT be a participant but DAMN.....what's a guy to do? Did I mention that Franny was friggin' HOT?
I was in typical "GUY" mode.....
I was a veritable heat seeking moisture missle.....as long as there was a gorgeous woman, it was, at the very least, possible that I was gonna get laid!
I was like the Little Engine that could....."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can......."
I told Franny I needed to get my guitar out of my car but promised that I would be back shortly. She frowned and said she would be waiting by the pool....naked. Sweet Jesus!
You know, it's amazing how fast a guitar can be retrieved from a vehicle when the picker is sufficiently motivated.
As I was closing the door of my car having just removed my guitar, I heard the crunch of snow behind me. I turned to see Stephie standing less than six feet away and to my left, between me and the house.
I was startled and stepped back a bit.
It was damned lucky for me that I did step back because that carpet munchin' broad threw a right cross that Roberto friggin' Duran would have been proud of!
Thankfully, she missed. And, due to the icy condition of the driveway, her momentum led her to perform an impromptu double axel after which, she busted her shapely ass on the asphalt. It must have been below zero and the driveway was frozen solid. It HAD to have hurt like hell.
Lord, you would have thought that she had broken her arm...oh wait...actually, the dumb dyke HAD broken her arm! She lay there crying and intermitantly, SCREAMING her friggin' lungs out!
I remember thinking.... "Dear God.....if you really love me, KILL ME NOW!!"
In a moment that will live in my memory until I draw my last breath, I heard these words....
Side Note: Have I mentioned that I'm not making this shit up?
Just checking....
"You fucking bastard...I'm gonna make you my BITCH! Franny's MINE!!"
To Be Continued.......again.
(Sorry, it's almost 1:00 a.m. and Michelle isn't feeling well....must be from working ME to death in the yard today! Not really, she does all the hard work. She's just having a "down" day from the chemo treatment. Nothing major...please GOD..... just a bit "whipped"
feeling.)
I'll try and get this damned thing finished tomorrow.
posted by Rantin' Ron | 10:29 PM
11 Comments:
well, dang...now im more concerned about your wife's health than i am the story...hope she is well..jac
I did this once for a girl I used to work with. She is a NC country girl and, although educated, she was not hip to many big words. I called her a "grommet girl" once and she asked, "What's a grommet?" I then wrote a series of chapters that told the story of this mythical race of people. I only had time to produce a chapter once every week or so. Now I know what it's like to wait for more..... I'm loving your blog, Ron and I'm sure it won't be long before you have many visitors, especially now that GUYK and LAST ONE SPEAKS(we are sisters) and some of the others have found you. Word gets around fast, especially when there is something being written worth reading and these stories are hilarious! Please keep writing, you are now on my daily read list. I do hope your Michelle gets to feeling better. She probably needs to slow down a little, it's been too hot to get too energetic.
Jac, Michelle was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer almost five years ago. She is AMAZING and funny as hell. I'm going to write about her soon and it won't be maudlin. This woman is freakin' bulletproof tough. Never once has she complained, never whined, no support groups or...as she call 'em "Pity Parties", hell, she didn't even give cancer the satifaction of getting sick during chemo and radiation!
She just has a couple of "blah" days after her maintenance treatments. Herceptin and Zometa. The cancer HAS not progressed and some tumors have actually shrunk. THANK GOD.
Rocky....
You are too kind. Michelle is feeling better today and you are correct, she DOES do too much but, I stopped trying to limit her a long time ago. When I DO fuss at her she starts crying, I then feel guilty for a friggin' week and SHE goes back to happily doing what she was damn sure gonna do no matter what I said. She's GOOD.
I'm still chucklin' over the Grommet people. Too funny.
Thanks a ton for the compliments. I'm flattered.
I'll try and get that tale finished tonight or tomorrow. Believe me..it get's even MORE bizarre.
Michelle sounds pretty tough and determined. Tell her I'm in her corner, rooting for her and if there was a cancer pool going, my money would definitely be on her. I also have a good friend who recently was diagnosed with breast cancer and, like Michelle, she goes about her daily life without complaint, even when the chemo makes her sick. Now, I'll be praying for both of them.
Ah the suspense is too much. I can hardly wait for the next chapter.
I see my sis has also become an instant fan.
Hope Michelle is feeling better soon. Many women beat that disease and I have a feeling she's going to one of them.
You ladies are great. Thanks.
Michelle just read the comments ya'll left and she was moved by your concern and prayers.
As we say around this house..."There ain't NOTHING GOD can't fix!" She's gonna be fine.
I promised to watch a movie but I'll be down later to try and finish the story. If not, tomorrow, I promise. Well...at least another installment. I was thinking about it earlier and..it's a LONG night we're talking about here. Could take more than one more chapter. Who knows...I DO get detail orientated and I type laboriously. Or as we say it down here....SLOW!
Ya'll are great..thanks again.
Ron, what a great narrative. I am sure interested to see what happened.
As Ben Cartwright said many times..
"Thank you HopSing."
I read your most recent post first and immediately started at the beginning. I'm enthralled...
Hope all is well. NC folks are like that... while some would kill you with a frying pan others would drive miles just to feed your cat if you needed it. NC is home. NC is like a really really big livingroom.
Please make sure you wipe your feet.
Hope Michelle is feeling better :)
Kudos to you for your writing and to Michelle for being an awesome lady!
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