Gretchen, The Hell's Angels....And Me. Part III

When we left our story, Gretchen and I were sitting on the beach. I had just learned that her brother was a homocidal maniac who, at least for tomorrow, was my employer. You know, typical story....right?

Back To The Yarn...........

As Gretchen spoke, I could hear the sadness and fear in her voice. She loved her brother or, loved the brother he USED to be.

After a bit, conversation halted abruptly and she leapt to her feet and began running down the beach towards the water.

If ya'll are guessing that I followed her, you would be correct.

She stripped naked and dove into the waves. Like a loyal puppy, I followed her.....of course.

She swam well and, in the moonlight, I could see her twenty feet ahead of me and pulling away.

Again...I followed.

Before long, we were quite a way from the beach and she showed no signs of stopping.

I had lived almost my entire life around the ocean and in the water but, to be honest, I was getting a bit worried.

Not only is there a well documented "shark hole" off the coast of Seabrook Island but the rip tides in that particular area were and ARE notorious.

She kept swimming like a friggin' machine as I followed her until I took time to glance back at the shoreline.

DAMN! We had to be at least, 150 yards out to sea!

I decided to catch up with her and began to swim as hard as I could. Within a few minutes, I realized that she was maintaining her lead if not pulling even further ahead.

Finally, I'd had enough! I wanted to live long enough to chase another nubile young naked chick again some day!

"SHARK!!!" I yelled at the top of my tired lungs.

Damn.....it worked!

As I tread water, I could see her reverse course and head back toward me like freakin' Aquaman!

Much to my surprise, she passed me like I wasn't even there on her way back to the beach. She was moving like Mark freakin' Spitz and making noises that sounded like....

"Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh......"

I started swimming easily, wanting to make it back to the beach before I became exhausted and drowned. Call me crazy.

I saw her reach the shore, turn around and begin screaming.

"Hurry Ron, Hurry, Hurry....." repeatedly, at the top of her lungs.

Knowing that I had made up the whole "Jaws" thing, I swam easily until I reached the beach.

As I walked to her, I was breathing hard and laughing.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" she asked.

Once I got my breath, I said.

"There wasn't any damned shark, I was just tryin' to get you to stop swimming before you reached fuckin' England!" I laughed.

You ASSHOLE!!" she screamed. "I swim five miles a day when I'm in training."

"In training for WHAT?" I asked.

"The Olympics!" she responded.

"Well how the hell was I supposed to know?" I asked. "I thought you were going out too far."

"Well who the hell asked you to follow me?" she shouted.

I thought about that and said, honestly.

"Have you looked at yourself lately? Naked? You honestly thought I wouldn't follow you?"

I suppose flattery WILL, in fact, get you anywhere because she immediatly began laughing.

We gathered our clothes which had scattered in the wind. I never did find my shirt so we headed back to the house.

"You're really trying to make it to the Olympics?" I asked.

"Sure am...I'm gonna make too." she responded confidently.

I believed her...the girl could swim like Flipper.

Once we reached the house, we showered and went to bed.

A short time later as we were umm.....reading the collected works of Dickens, headlights bathed the room and she uttered the words no guy wants to hear.....

"Quick, get dressed!"

Well hell, it didn't take me long to put on my jeans, socks and shoes. I no longer had a shirt so, the process was much quicker than normal.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"I don't know, it could be my Mom or.....(the words that followed made me whimper like a small child)....it could be Gino." she whispered.

My mind was racing like wild until it finally fixed on one cogent thought.

"Is he gonna kill me?" I asked. Hell, I thought I had a right to know!

She giggled, actually freakin' GIGGLED but never answered me because, at that moment, we heard the sound of the front door closing.

We made it out to a gameroom before I heard a male voice call out.

"Gretchen, is that you?"

She looked at me and smiled.

"Oh.....it's just my grandfather." she said.

"In here Grandpa!" she called out.

Seconds later, an extremely old looking frail man entered the room with a cane in his left hand and large pistol in his right.

What the hell is it with this family? Everybody packs a gotdamn pistol!!

"Gretchen....what's going on here?" Grandpa demanded.

She had tossed me a pool cue and one for herself and was bent over as if getting ready to break.

She put the cue stick down on the table and ran up to hug and kiss the old man who was STILL holding the pistol.....on me.

"Grandpa, put down that gun!" she demanded.

"Who's he?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ron, this is my Grandpa, Grandpa, this is Ron. You remember him don't you Grandpa?"

He pondered that for a second until she added....

"He's Bridgette's fiance Grandpa, you met him on Hilton Head last summer at the tennis tournament. Ron came in second."

Damn....this little girl could lie! What are the odds that one family could boast of both a pathelogical liar AND a fuckin' serial killer? Go figure.

Thankfully, Grandpa fell for it. He lowered the pistol and shuffled towards me with an outstretched hand.

I shook it.

"Where's your shirt young man?" he asked.

"I lost it on the beach sir."

"Where's Bridgette?"

Gretchen jumped in.

"Grandpa....she and Ron got into a little spat. She stormed out wearing his shirt." she offered.

He looked at me and said...

"You didn't follow her?"

"Well sir, I wanted to follow her but the headlights on my car were messing up and I'm not familiar with the roads around here so, Gretchen was nice enough to offer me the guest room for the night." I lied.

Damned if the old man didn't buy it!

He looked at Gretchen, then at me and said, matter of factly.

"It's late, I drove thirty miles to check on the place because that nosey Mrs. Blanton next door told me someone was messing around in here and, I'm tired. Let's all get some sleep.....seven a.m. comes early these days." he obviously was a man unacustomed to having his decisions disputed.

Evidently, this was the case because Gretchen shot me a quick look, kissed ole Grandpa goodnight and hurried off to bed leaving me standing there with a gray haired old cadaver lookin' dude with a damned cannon in his right hand.

I was trying to think of something to say when he spoke up again.

"Come on young man, I could use a drink before I turn in."

I followed him down a short set of stairs and we entered a beautiful little bar area.

"What'll you have?" he asked.

"I'll take a Scotch on the rocks if you have it." I said.

He scrounged around under the bar a minute or so, straightened up and said.

"Right....Vodka it is."

He poured us both a HUGE tumbler full of Absolute and offered me one.

As I took the glass, he chuckled a little.

I took a gulp and grimaced as it burned it's way down my throat.

He slugged about half of his and, out of nowhere, said.

"Young man, Gretchen is my heart but, she thinks I'm senile as hell and, of course....I'm not. I know what's going on here."

I shifted around uncomfortably, took a hit off the vodka trying to think of something to say....I settled on a brilliant,

"Going on sir?"

"Son, do not piss down my leg and tell me it's raining...you're fucking my grand daughter aren't you?"

I thought about that for a second.

"No sir......not at the moment. You showed up." what the hell.... I was busted anyway.

Much to my surprise, the old man laughed his ass off.

After a couple of uneasy moments, he shook his head.

"Well, at least you've got balls boy."

"Yes sir, and I just figured you'de blow 'em off if I lied to you....I'd really like to hang onto 'em." I grinned at him.

He finished his drink and grabbed the bottle again. As he poured himself another monster drink, he offered to pour me another one. I accepted.

He looked me in the eyes and said....

"You wanna shoot some pool?" he asked.

"Sure" I answered.

He told me to follow him and, looking back at me added.

"I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin' you're gonna get the old man drunk and then go fuck my grand daughter but guess what?" he chuckled.

"I'm guessing I'm gonna shoot pool all night." I said.

"Very perseptive young man." he continued walking.

Believe it or not, me and that cool old dude drank an incredible amount of vodka, shot pool and talked shit till the sun came up. He was a bit like a cranky old Jimmy Stewart type.

He told me war stories, funny stories and even gave me money to bet him with when I told him I only had a few bucks on me.

"Gotdamn son, don't ever gamble with a sumbitch playin' with air. You gotta SEE the money or it ain't real."

The old fucker won every penny he gave me and then handed it back.

"Let's go again." he was getting drunk.....finally!

"Sir...I've gotta get some sleep, I'm working tomorrow." I pleaded.

He grinned.

"Tell you what I'll do...play me one more game. If I win, you owe me twenty bucks...if YOU win, you can keep this cash.....two hundred bucks....whad'ya say?"

"What the hell....ok."

I had beaten him a couple of times before and he was pretty drunk.....what the hell.

The old bastard let me break and I made three or four shots then, of course, I missed.

He grinned and looked at me as he lined up his first shot.

"Well, at least your evening ain't a total loss."

"Sir?"

He sunk a bank shot, straightened up and laughed.

"At least you did get fucked ONCE tonight. I'm takin' your money." he said.

While he didn't run the table, he did beat me handily....again.

"See? You DID get fucked!" he laughed.

Remembering the romp in Gretchen's van, I grinned at him, handed him a twenty and said...

"Yes sir, I sure did."

The sun was well up and I was tired so I told him I needed to get home.

He seemed dissappointed but put down his cue, walked over to me and shook my hand.

"Well, other than needin' a gotdamned haircut, you seem like a fine young man....I hope I see you again."

"Me too sir....thanks for the pool lesson." I said.

"Do you need your money back......for gas or something?" he asked.

"Nah....I'm good but I reserve the right to win it back."

He laughed and said.

"If you live through Gretchen's birthday party at Gino's clubhouse tonight, I'll give you a chance to win it back."

I was surprised.

"You know about that huh?"

He laughed again.

"Son, Mrs. Blanton next door stays so drunk, she wouldn't notice if the fuckin' Russians invaded! Gino called me and said that if I didn't come over here, HE would."

Holy Shit!!

I shook his hand and thanked him.

"I'm glad that YOU showed up. I'd much rather shoot pool with you than with Gino." I said bravely.

He gave me a dark look.

"Young man.....just remember....POOL is about the only thing that Gino DOESN'T shoot."

I thought about that comment the whole way home.

I staggered in the house, set the alarm clock for two o'clock and fell into bed.

**And now.... a scene from the exciting conclusion of "Gretchen, The Hell's Angels....and ME".

"Gretchen....for the love of God, put your top back on! Gino's just looking for a reason to shoot my ass!!"

"I'm not afraid of Gino!!" she screamed while twirling her top over her head.

"Well that's real fuckin' brave of you Gretchen....YOU ain't the one he's gonna KILL!!"

Suddenly, as if by magic, who should appear but Gino...and he was PISSED!!

To Be Continued........