Gretchen, The Hell's Angels....and Me

A few years back, I was playing at a club in Charleston, S.C. called The Night Owl with a band called Crystal River.

We played a lot of Skynard, Blackfoot, Bob Segar, Allman Brothers and the like.

One night, we were in the middle of a tune called "Highway Song" when about forty mean assed lookin' biker types came into the club.

From my vantage point on the stage, which was well over six feet tall, I could see them coming through the crowd like Moses parting the Red Sea straight up to the front of the stage.

One of the biker chicks was wearing a metallic looking bikini top halter thing, which was, semi-covering, a set of hoots that was, to say the very least, IMPRESSIVE. This was in the days before silicone and my eyes were still good!

Call me shallow, call me sexist, call me a Neanderthal, call me any damned thing you wanna call me but I have ALWAYS been vulnerable to ample, well proportioned breasts!

Ok, Ok....to be honest, they don't have to be all that ample OR well proportioned...I just happen to adore breasts!

If I had boobs, you couldn't get me out of the house with friggin' tear gas!

Me, being ME..... I could not for the life of me, resist the temptation to fix my gaze on her for the rest of the song. She was a short, well built, blonde haired and blue eyed doll baby.

Hell, I even went so far as to kneel down on the stage and grab her outstretched hand as I finished the song.

"It's a highway sooooong, goin' on and on..............On and On!"

Dear Lord, that girl was HOT.

As we finished the song, I turned to our keyboard player Tony and grinned.

"Time for a "panty dropper"." I said.

He chuckled and shook his head as if to say,

"Here we go again."

In Honky Tonk parlance, the "panty dropper" is a song which, if done properly, will entice nubile young women to have wild passionate sex with you at some point in time.

"What's it gonna be?" Tony asked.

"Turn The Page" I said. "Biker chicks LOVE Bob Segar."

Tony shook his head and grinned.

"A biker chick? Man, those girls are trouble...I'd be careful about messin' with one of them dude....which one is she?" he asked.

I lit a cigarette and pointed to Gretchen.

"Dear God in heaven.....gimme that fuckin' cigarette!"

Tony hit the lead-in on the Hammond B-3 organ and started playing the intro. I walked over, picked up my Stratocaster and began playing the pulsing E minor.

Magically, as if the gods had held a meeting and decided that, yes, indeed, I WAS going to have sex with this gorgeous woman tonight, she screamed....

"Turn The Page"!!!

I gave her my best, "Yeah darlin', this is just for you" look and launched into the song....

"On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha...."

We made eye contact during the entire song and, when it was over, I told the guys we needed to take a break.

I walked over to the girl and ordered a round of drinks. We talked awhile and the sexual energy was damn near crackling between us. I found out important things such as, her name was Gretchen, she was 23, from out of town, possessed a 38 C bustline and, oh yeah....I almost forgot.....she wanted ME!

I suggested we go outside for a little "fresh air" and she happily agreed.

Side Note:

Keep in mind boy and girls....this story takes place in a time long ago when a person could have have random sex with total strangers without contracting diseases which would kill you.

I feel sorry for the current "Condom Generation".

As a 52 yr old deliriously happy married man, I look back and realize that my behavior was sinful, wicked and immoral but......I wouldn't change a minute of it.

Me and God will just have to work it out when I get to heaven.

Back to the story......

Once outside, she took my hand and led me to a big van with a mural painted on the side. The mural was a depiction of some mutant Harley rider that looked like Thor on steriods.

"Nice van" I said by way of clever conversation.

"Thanks, I call it 'Gino'." she said as she slid the side door open to reveal a bedroom on wheels.

It was really something. This was back when conversion vans were all the rage. Late seventies or early eighties I believe.

She hopped behind the wheel, cranked it up and turned on the air conditioning. It quickly cooled down even in the heat and humidity of a late summer Charleston night.

By the time she slid back to where I was sitting, she had fired up a joint the size of a cigar. She snuggled up beside me and asked,

"So, you want a shotgun?"

Side Note:

For those who didn't spend their younger years partying their asses off, a "shotgun" is a method of delivering a big "hit" of marijuana to another person. It involves putting the lit part of the joint in your mouth and literally "shotgunning" the smoke into another person's lungs.

As stupid as it sounds to me now...it was a very sensual and suggestive act when done with a young woman.

Lips would touch, intimate eye contact was made and, of course...she was in the process of getting as stoned as a nine eyed monkey which, in my opinion, was a Good Thing!

We both took a few hits and, afterwards, she offered me a beer which I accepted.

She went to the little refrigorator, extracted a couple of beers, stood up (she was only about 5'4" or so) and gave me a sexy grin.

She handed me a beer, opened hers and took a long drink.

She then put down the beer and, undoing her little top, unleashed a MAGNIFICENT display of breasts!

All these years later, I'm STILL impressed by what I saw that night! She was a stunning, steel bellied hard body!

It wasn't long before, nature took it's course and we were going at it like Vikings.

Lord only knows how long we were at it but, after a while, I heard someone hollering my name. As I peeked out, I saw our drummer, Larry wandering around the packed parking lot calling my name. We both laughed like crazy at big old Larry wandering around aimlessly with a pissed off look on his face.

"Do you need to go?" she asked knowing damn well the answer to THAT question.

"Goin' ain't exactly what I've got in mind right now." I said

I don't know how much time passed before we finally left the van but, I knew that Bull, the owner of the place was going to be PISSED.

Larry had given up and gone back inside I suppose so, we made our way back to the bar.

Just before we got to the front door, a freakin' GIANT came out of nowhere and literally snatched Gretchen up and tossed her over his shoulder.

"Hey little girl...where've you been? I've been lookin' all over for you." he shouted.

This dude had to have been 6'8" and every bit of three hundred pounds with long black hair and a braided beard which hung halfway down his chest. He was dressed in typical biker leathers with an accessory which stopped my heart a beat.....

He was wearing a holster holding a big shiny pistol in it! In freakin' public!

Actually, I'm pretty sure it was (and maybe still is) legal to wear an unconcealed pistol in South Carolina but it still struck fear in my poor heart.

Gretchen kicked and screamed as the mammoth dude twirled her around.

"Put me down Gino!"

Gino, promptly put her back on her feet gently.

"I'm sorry darlin', I'm just glad to see you're ok. When did you get into town?" he asked sheepishly.

She turned to me and said.

"I just got in this afternoon." she said, "Ron, this is my stupid brother, Gino."

I stuck out my hand which was immediatly slapped aside. Now, at the time, I was 6'2" 220 or so and I've never backed down from a fight in my life but, in that moment, I just knew that I was getting ready to get my ass beat or shot or both.

Wrong.

Gino hugged me like I was his long lost little grizzly bear brother!

"Good to meet bro."

"Good to meet you Gino...thanks for breakin' my ribs."

I swear, he actually hung his head awkwardly.

Gretchen backhanded me across my chest...hard!

"Don't hurt his feelings! He didn't mean to hurt you."" she said.

"Hey dude, I was just kiddin'....you didn't hurt me."

He looked up and with a sly grin that sent a chill down my spine said...

"Not yet anyway."

Gretchen grabbed my hand and told Gino that I had to get back inside.

"Ron's with the band and he's been on break too long." she said.

"Yeah, nice meeting you Gino." I said as I followed her inside.

Once in the building, the owner of the place, a cheerful grandfatherly type named "Bull" Denehey stormed up to me.

"You got two fuckin' minutes to get your ass back up there and play that shit you call music or you're fuckin' fired! These bikers are gettin' restless!" he stormed off without waiting for a response from me.

I looked at Gretchen and saw that she looked a little worried.

"Ain't he a sweetheart?" I asked. "Don't worry about Bull, he loves me."

As I turned to hustle back to the stage, she gave me a kiss.

"Play something especially for me and I'll play something special ON you later." she winked.

Be still my heart.

We played the next set for almost two hours until closing time.

As we were packing up our stuff, Gino came over and shook my hand.

"Bro, we want ya'll to play for us tomorrow night at our place." he growled.

"I really wish we could Gino but, we're booked here again tomorrow night."

"Ya'll need to start around 10:00 and be ready to play till dawn." he said. "It's Gretchen's birthday."

He hadn't even acknowleged what I had said before.

"Gino, I really would love to but Bull will blacklist us if we bail on him on such short notice." I went back to wiping down my guitar.

"I'll settle things with Bull. How much do you guys get?"

I don't remember now how much it was but, I told him and without missing a beat, he upped it considerably.

"Well, if you can fix it with Bull so that we'll still be able to play here in the future...sure, we'll do it but, I've gotta check with the guys." I said, nodding towards Larry, Mike, Bill and Tony.

He looked at me for a second and, as if a light bulb had come on inside his head said,

"Wait right fuckin' here."

I decided it would be wise to wait "right fuckin' there".

With that, he walked over to the guys and within two minutes, they were smiling and nodding their heads.

He came back. I was still "right fuckin' there".

"Well, that's done. Ya'll get packed up and my boys'll get your shit in a truck. We'll take it to our place tonight and ya'll can set it up tomorrow afternoon." he was grinning from ear to ear.

"Look Gino, we can handle that. Besides, our stuff ain't insured so......" I began.

"Fuck insurance Bro...anything gets broke, I'll replace it but don't worry, my boys'll handle your stuff like a baby."

Before I could say anything else he added.

"Now that that's settled, lemme talk to Bull."

He strode off towards the bar where Bull was seated speaking with someone. I watched as Gino cut in between Bull and the poor soul he was speaking with. The other guy got up shaking his head as Gino spoke in an animated fashion with Bull.

After a couple of head shakes by Bull, Gino whipped out a roll of cash and started putting bills on the bar till Bull broke into a smile and they shook hands.

Gino gave me a thumbs up, grinning like a fool.

Larry, our drummer, walked up to me.

"Who the hell IS that guy?" he asked.

"His name is Gino and this is his sister, Gretchen." I said as she came sidling up to me.

"Ohhhhh.....ok." he said with a knowing smile.

"So, where're we playing tomorrow night?" he asked.

"Damned if I know....do you?" I asked Gretchen.

"Sure, it's their clubhouse, it's called the Office Lounge." she told us.

"Clubhouse?" I asked.

"Yeah, the Hell's Angel's clubhouse."

"Holy shit! Are you kiddin' me?" I was stunned and, I'm sure she could see it.

She smiled at me sweetly.

"Don't believe everything you hear big boy...you're gonna LOVE it."

Just then, Bull came storming up...hell, Bull stormed everywhere.

"That hairy Sasquatch lookin' motherfucker just hired you boys away for tomorrow night."

Gretchen got up to within inches of Bull's face.

"What did you call my brother?" she asked.

Bull, not a man to be intimidated asked...

"Who the hell is your brother?"

She turned and pointed to Gino who was standing at the bar.

"He's my brother, he's the chapter president of the Hell's Angel's."

Side Note:

Back then, the Hell's Angel's had a huge organization in the Charleston area and they weren't into the whole Toys For Tot's stuff at the time. Gang murders, drug dealing, cop killings, prostitution and gambling yeah but....none of that charity shit for these bad boys, they were hard core.

Bull swallowed hard and appologized.

"Listen miss, I was just kiddin'...Ron knows me, I'm always jokin' around." he said.

It was actually fun watching the old tyrant breakin' down like a shotgun.

Gretchen looked at him and said.

"It's ok Bull" she said and then looked at me again.

Bull just stood there for a minute until Gretchen glanced at him and said....and I swear.....

"You may leave now Bull."

He left.

"Damn....you're good." I said.

She looked at me with those big blue eyes and said.

"You don't know the half of it."

Oh dear Lord!

To Be Continued.....