An Unexpected Rant
I realize that all six of my loyal readers were probably expecting the next installment of my, less than spell bounding, tale entitled, "Grechen, The Hell's Angels...and Me" but, alas....I have tragic news.
As hard as I tried tonight, I simply COULD NOT, for the life of me, get into the mood to continue the story!
Why....all six of you may ask, is the reason for this?
Well, I'll tell you.
My sister in law MOVED IN TODAY!!!
Oh the humanity!
I'm not talking about a fucking "VISIT " ya'll.....I'm talkin' about "MOVED IN"!
She has been talking about leaving her husband of 39 years for....well,.... YEARS and, like the moron I am, I have consistently told her that she SHOULD leave the Cro Magnon mother fucker.
If Toby, her husband, had a gotdamned brain, he'd take the sumbitch out and take it apart!
Well, today she actually left the dumb bastard.
I was very supportive of her decision until my precious wife Michelle, informed me that she wanted to stay with US !!
All of the sudden, I flip flopped faster than John fuckin' Kerry!!
Surely those two, damned near, sixty year old "kids" could work things out! Hell, all young couples have their "rough patches" from time to time but DAMN IT.....you fight through 'em!!
As I'm sure you have gathered by now.......
My sister in law "D" has decided that, at the age of 56 years old, she's gonna be the new Mary Tyler fucking Moore and damn it.....She's Gonna Make It After All!!
In MY gotdamned HOUSE!!
She showed up with a tractor trailor load of shit which, like the dimwit she is, she expected to pack into our garage.
Hell, Michelle and I spend half our lives shufflin' OUR shit around in the garage trying like hell to gain an extra square foot of space! Who the hell does she think she is? David freakin' Copperfield?
I took one look at her load of crap and immediatly called a storage company in the area.
I swear, the following is an accurate transcript of the conversation that ensued.
"Hello, this is ****** *** Storage.
(ok, you busted me....there were no asterisks spoken during this call but.... I don't want to get my ass shot off so.....I'm not gonna disclose the name of the company.)
"Yes, I'm looking to rent a storage bin." I said.
"A what?" the woman asked.
"A storage bin." I repeated.
"I'm sorry, Ben's gone to lunch but he'll be back in about an hour."
Folks.......That was the best part of my day!
I've spent the rest of the day moving both computers upstairs into the guest room along with my guitars, keyboards, and a myriad of assorted shit.
Michelle and I had, years ago, turned the basement into a self contained apartment complete with a generator which could power the place as long as the gasoline held out. We lose power up here during snow storms several times per year so......this was our refuge.
It's basically a one bedroom apartment with a full kitchen, full bath, computer room, AND recording studio all in three rooms but, to us, it was and IS the "YOUNTO ROOM".
"YOUNTO" as in.....
"You wanna go play guitar?"
"Yeah....I do.....YOUNTO ?"
For those Yankees reading this...."YOUNTO" is roughly translated to mean, "Do You Want To"?
Well, to make a long story short....thanks to my sister in law, Michelle and I no longer have a "YOUNTO" room.
Well, at least until that dizzy bitch pisses me off. When that happens, I swear, I'm gonna set my jaw, gather my courage and beg Michelle to make her sister move out!
As my friend "YellowDog Granny", Jackie Sue would say.....
"Fuckity, Fuck, Fuckity, Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!"
I'll see ya'll tomorrow. I'm gonna have a huge shot of Vodka and go to bed.
If ya'll are religious folks, please pray that I don't murder "D" in the morning.
As hard as I tried tonight, I simply COULD NOT, for the life of me, get into the mood to continue the story!
Why....all six of you may ask, is the reason for this?
Well, I'll tell you.
My sister in law MOVED IN TODAY!!!
Oh the humanity!
I'm not talking about a fucking "VISIT " ya'll.....I'm talkin' about "MOVED IN"!
She has been talking about leaving her husband of 39 years for....well,.... YEARS and, like the moron I am, I have consistently told her that she SHOULD leave the Cro Magnon mother fucker.
If Toby, her husband, had a gotdamned brain, he'd take the sumbitch out and take it apart!
Well, today she actually left the dumb bastard.
I was very supportive of her decision until my precious wife Michelle, informed me that she wanted to stay with US !!
All of the sudden, I flip flopped faster than John fuckin' Kerry!!
Surely those two, damned near, sixty year old "kids" could work things out! Hell, all young couples have their "rough patches" from time to time but DAMN IT.....you fight through 'em!!
As I'm sure you have gathered by now.......
My sister in law "D" has decided that, at the age of 56 years old, she's gonna be the new Mary Tyler fucking Moore and damn it.....She's Gonna Make It After All!!
In MY gotdamned HOUSE!!
She showed up with a tractor trailor load of shit which, like the dimwit she is, she expected to pack into our garage.
Hell, Michelle and I spend half our lives shufflin' OUR shit around in the garage trying like hell to gain an extra square foot of space! Who the hell does she think she is? David freakin' Copperfield?
I took one look at her load of crap and immediatly called a storage company in the area.
I swear, the following is an accurate transcript of the conversation that ensued.
"Hello, this is ****** *** Storage.
(ok, you busted me....there were no asterisks spoken during this call but.... I don't want to get my ass shot off so.....I'm not gonna disclose the name of the company.)
"Yes, I'm looking to rent a storage bin." I said.
"A what?" the woman asked.
"A storage bin." I repeated.
"I'm sorry, Ben's gone to lunch but he'll be back in about an hour."
Folks.......That was the best part of my day!
I've spent the rest of the day moving both computers upstairs into the guest room along with my guitars, keyboards, and a myriad of assorted shit.
Michelle and I had, years ago, turned the basement into a self contained apartment complete with a generator which could power the place as long as the gasoline held out. We lose power up here during snow storms several times per year so......this was our refuge.
It's basically a one bedroom apartment with a full kitchen, full bath, computer room, AND recording studio all in three rooms but, to us, it was and IS the "YOUNTO ROOM".
"YOUNTO" as in.....
"You wanna go play guitar?"
"Yeah....I do.....YOUNTO ?"
For those Yankees reading this...."YOUNTO" is roughly translated to mean, "Do You Want To"?
Well, to make a long story short....thanks to my sister in law, Michelle and I no longer have a "YOUNTO" room.
Well, at least until that dizzy bitch pisses me off. When that happens, I swear, I'm gonna set my jaw, gather my courage and beg Michelle to make her sister move out!
As my friend "YellowDog Granny", Jackie Sue would say.....
"Fuckity, Fuck, Fuckity, Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!"
I'll see ya'll tomorrow. I'm gonna have a huge shot of Vodka and go to bed.
If ya'll are religious folks, please pray that I don't murder "D" in the morning.
posted by Rantin' Ron | 11:47 PM
14 Comments:
Dude----Bummer.
Good luck on your new living araingements. Maybe you could get Gino to kinda make dove-eyes at her.......kinda keep it going in the family :-D
Damn, I hate that. I've got a bit of a loner streak and having my personal space invaded makes me want to choke someone. Does she have a job? Hell, if not get her one and find a place for her to move!
You do know that this is gonna be a war with your Sweet Thing torn between Sis and you? Good Luck and I'm saying a prayer for 'ya,
We have all the spare rooms in our house filled with antiques and "stuff" , and it will never be moved so an in-law can move in !
Already had one son come back for several years - never again !
Kurtp is right , get Gino over there to take her off your hands , she might like the biker life !
if worse comes to worse...you can be garanteed you're wife will have her move.....just hint around about how you have heard threesomes can really make a marriage stronger..
Kurt...hmmm...not a bad idea. She is a former biker chick. Although Gino assumed room temp. years ago...there are others out there who might do the job.
Vicki....I have a monstrous loner streak and believe me, she ain't gonna be here long and I told her in no uncertain terms that she's gonna pay rent and stay out of our hair. She knows I ain't gonna put up with much of her drama queen horseshit.
As to her coming between Michelle and I....it AIN'T gonna happen! I'll kick her ass out before that happpens.
Thanks for the prayers...I'm gonna need 'em!
Jackie Sue....leave it YOU to come up with that one!! You are a demented woman but...I love your crazy ass!
DAMN Ron, this is horribly tragic news. I would say a prayer that you don't kill her, but you know my track record. And I don't need your stinking ass in jail before I find out what happens with Gretchen. Your SIL has no concerns for my needs, goddammit!!
Too funny!If I go to prison, I'll take a laptop!
And yeah...whatever you do.....
Don't pray for me!!
Oh damn. That really is the shits.
My son moved in my daughter-in-law on me. (and her son that she never watches) On the 24th of this month they go in to put money down on an apartment two hundred miles away. It cannot happen soon enough and the farther away the better is my take on the whole mess. I will try to restrain muhself from saying, "Don't come back!" but it will be difficult. The only good thing is that I am a grandfather again with the new girl born last Saturday. She does not get much sympathy or support here so during the week she stays with her alcholic mama at her place. Thanks be to God. Weekends suck like a tornado.
Yikes. It sounds just awful. Good luck.
Ack!
I so sowwy sugah.
I live in a big ole house, in tha middle of the woods, and I needs mah S.P.A.C.E.
I may luv someone, but you "CANNOT MOVE IN WITH ME."
Ron, I sooooo feel for you! Libby and I have a mother who sucks the life out of you whenever she is near. At least twice a year, she threatens to move down here near me. I usually get a killer migraine after one of those conversations. She has visited from time to time over the years. It got so bad one time, my husband told her it was time for her leave. He sent her packing so fast she left a pair of shoes at our house. One of our cats walked over, squatted, and peed in her shoes! Pay back! How sweet it is! Hang in there, it could be worse, you could have had a house without a basement.
Thank you all for your sympathy..Today wasn't too bad but I swear, the dizzy bitch is acting like she's doing us a friggin' favor by intruding in our lives.
The coolest thing was at dinner tonight when I asked her if her husband had called.
She said, "No, I hope he hasn't killed himself"
Without missing a beat I swear...I said,
"Maybe he's just glad your ass is GONE!"
For some strange reason, she didn't say another word!
Bless her precious heart..Michelle quickly changed the subject!
Btw...somethin' tells me you still DO have a "Younto" room.;)
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