Carl's Corner... Part III
She had ALSO asked me if I knew a good hit man!
Back To The Story......
When she asked me if I knew a good hit man, I was taken aback for a second but, after a moment or so, I just laughed.
"With a prick like that, you don't need a hit man darlin'. Patience will do just as well. Somebody's gonna kill the fucker for you before too long." I said.
"If I don't do it first." Patsy said.
"I could do it you know." Elizabeth was NOT smiling. She looked as though she was invisioning actually killing David.
"Ok....time to forget about all this "kill the ex" talk." I cut in. "I'll have a vodka Kamakazi please Patsy."
She smiled at me as though I had said just the right thing at precisely the right time.
"One Kamikazi coming right up!" she shouted over the noise.
"VODKA Kamikazi please." I yelled. "Tequila makes me want to invade Mexico with a swizzle stick."
"You got it baby...one VODKA Kamikazi comin' up!" she laughed.
"Make it two." Elizabeth ordered. She smiled at me. "Hell, I can't let you party alone can I?" she asked.
The drinks came and magically disappeared, only to be replaced by two others.
Just then, a middle aged skinny dude came up to the bar, stepping between myself and Elizabeth.
"Scuse me my man but I am in urgent need of another libation." he said to me.
"No problem." I said.
Patsy showed up and the guy ordered a drink.
"Sorry Dave, cash only, your tab's full." she said.
He seemed astonished.
"Well, that's just not possible." he said. "I just paid it up a week ago."
Patsy shook her head.
"Actually, it was more like a month ago and you know Liz's policy." she told him.
"Give him one on me." I said. I felt embarassed for the guy.
He smiled at me.
"Well thank you young fella. Do I know you?" he asked
"No, we've not met."
I introduced myself.
"Nice to meet you Ron, I'm David and I am eternally in your debt." he quickly downed his drink.
Elizabeth turned to face me.
"Yeah...old Dave is in everybody's debt...eternally." she said.
"It's true you know." he said sadly. "I'm having a bad run of luck the last few decades."
"You're a damned drunk Dave." Elizabeth snarled.
"I am NOT a drunk!" he said defiantly. "I've never been to a damned AA meeting in my whole life!"
I laughed at the sight of the poor dude standing there swaying.
"Maybe you ought to go sit down a little while." I suggested.
He looked pissed at my suggestion.
"Why don't you mind your own damned...." he stopped abruptly. "Have you bought me that drink yet?" he asked.
"Yeah." I laughed. "You just drank it. Why?"
He considered that for a second.
"Were you by any chance going to buy me another drink?" he asked.
"I hadn't planned on it." I answered.
"Would you care to reconsider?" he asked.
"No...I think maybe you've had enough."
"Well!" he puffed out his chest. "I would suggest that you mind your own fucking business and.... I'll say, good evening to you!"
With that, he stumbled away.
Elizabeth and Patsy were laughing.
"I guess that little sumbitch told me didn't he?" I was laughing too.
"Ten bucks says he's back in ten minutes to mooch another drink off you." Patsy said.
"You've created a monster...." Elizabeth explained. "he's got what I call 'Bourbon-heimers'....the poor bastard can't remember shit when he's drinkin' which, is ALL the time."
"He ain't gonna get a chance to ask me again because I'm about ready to go home...I'm tired and this place depresses the shit out of me." I said.
"Hell, you think it depresses YOU? You should own this sumbitch." she laughed. "So, do you want the job?"
I told her that we would talk about it the following day but that I was pretty sure I'd give it a shot but only because I was broke and unemployed.
"Well, that sounds good to me......at least you're honest. Why don't you get your guitar and play us a tune?" she asked.
"Like I said, I'm pretty tired and....." I began.
Suddenly, Patsy, who had been listening to the conversation, hopped up on chair behind the bar and started hollering.
"Who wants to hear this boy play some music?"
The patrons obviously wanted anything to break the monotony of that depressing dive because they start hootin' and hollerin' as though she'd asked if they wanted free drinks.
"Come on honey....pick us a tune." Elizabeth smiled as she slid a hundred dollar bill my way. "That ought to cover a few tunes and the trip you made for me today." she grinned.
"I didn't bring my guitar, remember?"
"Well shit...that ain't a problem." she tossed me the keys to her car. "Hurry back young 'un."
What the hell....I wasn't exactly flush financially and my social schedule wasn't filled either so....
I went back to the apartment, grabbed my guitar and was back at Carl's within a half hour.
As I pulled into the parking space I saw a couple of women leaving the place and getting into their car.
I got out of the car, opened the trunk, got my guitar and started to walk to the front door.
"Hey....are you gonna play that thing?" one of the girls asked through a half opened window.
"Yeah, as a matter of fact I am. For a little while anyway." I said.
"Are you any good?" she asked.
"I'm pathetic." I said. "but....I make up for it by being damned charmin'." I grinned.
I could see them talking and, within moments they got out of the car.
One of them was really pretty cute. Tall, brown haired with a nice body. The other was much shorter with long red hair and a little older with very large boobs.
The short one spoke first.
"Well, at least we'll have something to laugh at if you really do suck." she laughed. "This place is deader than my grandma. We were just going to find a place with some life!!"
"We've never been here before, we're from Georgia and we're staying at the Knights Inn down the road. We just had to go somewhere." the tall one said. "I'm Sara and this is Libby."
I introduced myself as we neared the door.
"Well, let's get this show on the road." said Sara as she pulled the door open.
As I walked in, I could see Liz, still seated at the bar. I walked over and introduced her to the two girls. She looked them over then looked at me.
"They just left here didn't they?" she asked.
"Yeah, well....they're back."
"We figured we'd see if he's as bad as he says he is." Sara said.
"Well, I don't care if he sounds like a cat tryin' to get out of a damned garbage can! It's gotta be better than watching this bunch of rednecks shootin' pool." Libby said. "Besides....he's cute." She said, looking at me.
Sara gave her a playful shove.
"Hey...I saw him first." she said.
I was laughing, enjoying the attention.
Elizabeth didn't look very pleased at all.
"Yeah well, he works for me so back off and let him play." she snapped.
Well, that pissed me off.
"Elizabeth, you're acting like a bitch again. I thought we'd settled this attitude shit." I said, sliding the hundred dollar bill across the bar to her.
She didn't say anything.
"Do you want your money back?" I asked. "I'd just as soon go home."
She laughed it off.
"Aw.....I'm just kidding.....go ahead and play a few for us." she grinned. "Patsy! Turn off that damn jukebox, Ron's gonna pick us a tune."
Patsy did as she was told and a couple of people asked what the hell happened to the music.
Elizabeth whipped around on her barstool.
"This is MY fuckin' place!" she hollered. "You don't like it? Get the hell out of here 'cause I wanna hear this fella play some guitar!"
A scraggly little guy with long stringy hair piped up.
"I just put money in that machine." he shouted.
Elizabeth got seriously ticked off.
"How much did you put in it?" she hissed
"A dollar." he said indignanty.
"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do." she began as she got off the barstool and walked toward him. "I'm gonna give you your dollar back but....I'm gonna shove it up your scrawny ass!"
It was hilarious to watch the reaction of that little fella. He backed away from her as she approached him with a demonic grin on her face while holding a dollar bill in her hand.
"Elizabeth...I was just joshin' you!" he looked sheepish.
"Joshin'?" she steadily advanced towards him. "I'll give you exactly ten seconds to josh your sorry ass outta here."
She picked up a ball off of one of the pool tables.
"Come on Liz...I told you I was..." he began.
Elizabeth started counting.
"One, two, three, four...you better move your ass Steve..five, six..." she continued.
Steve headed for the door but, apparently not quick enough for Elizabeth because she reared back and smoked a frozen rope with a three ball.
That old broad had an arm!
The ball missed Steve but shattered a big Budweiser mirror which hung beside the front door with loud crash. Glass rained down as Steve flew out the door. The three ball rolled all the back to where I stood.
Elizabeth turned to Patsy.
"That little sumbitch is BARRED until he pays for my fucking mirror!"
She returned to her barstool.
"You're gonna make HIM pay for the mirror?" I asked.
"Yep, and he'll do it too. He's been barred from every other joint in town and he's had two DUI's! This is the only place within walkin' distance for the little prick!" she giggled.
She meant it.
She sat back down and calmy asked.
"You ready to pick me a tune?"
I just shook my head and laughed.
"You are one crazy little woman." I said.
I went over, extracted my guitar from it's case then walked back over and sat on the bar stool.
Playing with no amplification pretty much sucks in such a noisy environment. No musician likes it but...this was just for shits and giggles so, I started playing.
I think I played "Highway Song" by Blackfoot but...to be honest...it was many years, drinks and joints ago so.....it's pure supposition at this point but, the place got really quiet.
When I got through, the place went crazy!
Any musician will tell you, if they are being honest, that they are driven by responses such as I had that night. There were, maybe forty people in the place but, for almost an hour I played and they listened intently. It was really pretty cool.
After a while, while I was in the middle of a song, the front door opened and four guys walked in. They went straight to the abandoned pool tables talking loudly among themselves.
Within moments, the loud noise of the balls being released, racked and broken filled the room.
I have always HATED playing anywhere near the proximity of pool tables!
Taking that as my cue, (pun intended) I finished the song and told everyone that I was going to quit for the night.
The small crowd objected and, like a dumbass, I told someone that I was tired but also that I hated playing music near pool tables because of the noise.
Someone, I don't know who, took it upon themselves to tell the four guys to stop shooting pool.
Elizabeth, now sporting a big buzz, chimed in.
"Knock it off on that table assholes!" she screamed. "Ron's playin' music!"
One of the guys, a big mean lookin' guy walked over to her.
"We just wanna shoot some pool." he said and then looked at me. "He can play anything he wants to but I'm gonna play pool."
"Listen asshole, I own this place and if I say you can't shoot pool...you can't shoot pool!" she barked.
He considered that for a second.
"Fuck you." was all he said.
He turned to go back to the pool table.
"Get the hell out of here!!" Elizabeth screamed.
Again, the mean looking dude said.
He picked up his cue as I watched him when, all of the sudden, I saw one of the balls on the table literally explode!!
Really.....the damned thing turned to dust!
A thunderclap of noise followed and, instinctively, my head snapped around in the direction of the roar.
There sat Elizabeth with an automatic pistol in her hand.....and she was smiling.
To Be Continued........