Rons Rants

A Blog Is A Self-Inflicted Invasion Of Privacy

Location: Newland, North Carolina, United States

I'm a fifty two year old happily married man who doesn't really like many people which is why I live on the top of a mountain.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Nick's...The Story Continues....Again.

When we left the story, I had just committed to playing a private party for a very wealthy dude for the princely sum of $34.00!

Back To The Story……

As I left the table, George and John were laughing at me for getting snookered by Dan.

“What a dumbass!” George said. “Thirty four gotdamn dollars!”

I looked at him and grinned.

“Screw you George, don’t make me tell everybody what YOU’RE payin’ me!” I laughed. “Looks like the rich dude is smarter than you!”

He just glared at me.

Before he could respond, I left and went back to the stage.

I played about halfway through the second set and I was having a ball with the audience.

I’ve never really understood how, if you’re the one on stage, you can talk shit to people in the crowd yet, nobody seems to get pissed off at you. Michelle has seen it many times and she’s always been amazed that I haven’t gotten into dozens of fights but, I love messin’ with people and…they seem to like it.

Go figure.

After I’d finished a song and was taking a sip of beer, a short stocky guy who I didn’t know hollered out that I should play something by AC/DC.

I laughed.

“Man, you need to put that bong down.” I cracked.

“I don’t think so Tim.” He shouted.

“Ok dude, just keep hittin’ it but try and remember that my name is Ron…..not Tim.” I cracked back at him.

A bunch of people laughed but hell….I didn’t think what I’d said was all THAT funny.

“Ok, Tim…just play what you wanna play!” the guy shouted.

Again.....a lot of people laughed their collective asses off!


“Alright dude…how about a little bit of Tony Bennett?” I asked jokingly.

This time, he stood up almost like a cheerleader and led his table as they said, in unison….

“I don’t think so Tim.”

Well shit!!


What the hell was so friggin’ funny about that?

I was perplexed to say the least.

Conceding that I didn’t know what the hell was going on, I proceeded to finish out the set. When I had finished the last song I told them that I was going to take a break.

“Thanks ya’ll, I’m gonna take a little break now but, I’ll be back in about twenty minutes.” I said.

Much to my chagrin…..the stocky guy’s table exploded.

“We Don’t Think So Tim!!” they shouted and again…..they laughed like hell.

I just shook my head, put my guitar on its stand and turned off the sound system. I could NOT figure out what the hell was going on!

The house music came up as I was walking across the room.

Suddenly, the stocky dude stood up and shouted.

Hey Tim….come over here and have a drink with us.”

His table and others around them exploded into laughter…AGAIN!

I remember being perplexed but, in addition to that…I was getting pissed! My feeling was that this guy was just being a grade “A” asshole.

I walked over to his table and looked at him.

“Look man, my name is RON!!” I said too forcefully. “What’s your fuckin’ problem?”

Well hell….the table erupted into yet another collective fit of laughter and the stocky dude damned near blew a blood vessel. He was obviously trying NOT to laugh.

After thirty seconds or so….I started laughing too. I didn’t have a friggin’ clue what the hell I was laughing at, but…there I was, laughing my ass off!

When the laughter died down….there was an uncomfortable silence for a bit.

“Ok….ya’ll are assholes but, I’ve gotta know what's so damned funny!” I laughed.

The short stocky guy could barely contain himself but, he offered his hand which, I shook…reluctantly.

“You ain’t into ‘Home Improvement’ are you?” He said in between giggles.

I thought about that for a second.

“Well no…I’m renting right now so, I don’t do much of that.” I responded.

Dear Lord! The way those people howled, I thought they were POSSESSED!

I hate to admit it but, the truth is that I was as mad as hell by this time!

After what seemed like five minutes of these folks laughing at my expense, the short, stocky guy reached out and patted my shoulder.

“Dude, you don’t have a fuckin’ clue what we’re laughin’ about do you?” he asked.

I was prepared to make an angry response but the look on his face broke down my anger. He was looking a bit embarrassed for ME.

“'ve gotta tell me! What the hell is so friggin’ funny?” I asked while laughing at God knows what.

The people around us got quiet as the little stocky dude explained, rather sheepishly, that there was a wildly popular TV show called “Home Improvement” and that EVERBODY watched it!!

He couldn’t believe that I hadn’t heard of it.

He…..and THEY…couldn’t believe that I didn’t know that the big “tag line” for the show was…….

“I don’t THINK so Tim!”

It’s the only time I can remember being ridiculed for NOT watching TV!

A few of those laughing hyenas later became pretty good friends, even the ring leader who’s name I learned was Scott.

After a bit, I went back to play another set.

Right in the middle of a song, a woman came up ON the stage and just stood beside me.

She wasn’t doing anything. She simply stared at me intensely. I wouldn’t have minded it so much but dear lord….she was UGLY!

I kept glancing at her from time to time but she never changed expression….she just stared. When I got through with the song I was playing, I turned to her.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I wanted to get closer so I could hear you better.” She said. “You’re pretty damned good you know.”

I laughed.

“Well, thanks a lot but, you can’t stay up here.” I said.

Folks, I’m really not makin’ this shit up.

She looked at me.

“Why not?” she asked.

I didn't want to be mean and really...I didn't know how to answer her.

Well…it’s not like there’s some kind of federal friggin’ statute concerning invading the stage is there?

I leaned into the microphone and said one word.


Everybody was laughing but…. the girl was oblivious.

She just stood there waiting for an answer from me as to why she couldn’t stand on the stage with me.

I made eye contact with Scotty and damn him…he was laughing at my predicament. He gave me one of those, ‘Hey….don’t look at me’ looks.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

Hell, I’d have done the same damned thing to him if the roles were reversed.

“Are you gonna stand there the whole time?” I asked.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” She said.

“Well, actually, I’d rather you didn’t.” I told her.

Why?” she asked.

Damn it!

Why couldn’t she just go away?

I mean really…why the hell shouldn’t she be able to stand there?

Hell, if I wanted privacy, why the hell would I be playing music in public? What’s the difference in her being three feet from me on the stage or twelve feet away in the damned audience?

I was argueing with myself!

“I don’t know.” I answered her. “It’s just a little different.”

“Different than what?” she asked flatly.

“Usually people sit down there.” I said, pointing to the crowd.

“I like it up here.” She said. “I want to watch your hands.”

Shit! This was really getting strange.

I laughed and gave up on talking to her. She was just TOO strange.

“Can we just quit talking now?” I asked. “I’m workin’ here.”

She gave me a ‘no shit’ look.

Who’s stoppin’ you?” she asked.

Damn….she was right again. Weird as hellbut right.

Why me God?

Believe it or not, I finished out the next seven or so songs with her standing there! She was never more than five feet from me. She didn’t speak, clap, boo or say diddly squat….she just stood there!

The ‘Three Musketeers’ were eating this shit up as was the crowd. On the other hand, I was completely weirded out by this damned woman!

At one point, I played a slow ballad.

George, John and Scotty grabbed some girls and took to the dance floor which was maybe, ten feet away. As they were dancing, each of them took the opportunity to mess with me by making faces. John however, took it one step further by abandoning his dance partner and coming onto the stage to my right side where he proceeded to stare at me just like the weird woman was doing.

I tried to ignore him but damn was humanly impossible!

Did I mention that John looks like a cross between Jack Black and Jon Lovitz?

I freaking LOST it!

I left four or five couples dancing to nothing on the floor because I simply quit playing in mid song.

I just stood up, put my guitar on the stand, turned the system off and walked away laughing like a maniac.

John didn’t help matters.

“Ron!” He shouted. “I cain’t see yuns fuckin’ hands! I cain’t hear yuns!”

I thought I was gonna throw up I was laughing so hard!

My destination was the bar.

As I reached it, I sat down and ordered a Kamikazi.

Before I could drink it, the crazy lady walked up to my right side.

“You should never quit in the middle of a song but, I’m still going to sign you.” She said.

I wasn’t sure I had heard her right.

“What?” I asked.

“I’m still going to sign you but….that was very unprofessional.” She told me.

“Sign me to WHAT?” I asked.

“A recording contract.” She stated.

I looked at her.

She had a vacant, very strange look on her face.

“Just who are you?” I asked.

“I’m Gloria E. and I own Capital Records.” She declared. “Well…actually my Daddy owns it but I’m the C.E.O.”

I hung my head.

Why does this stupid shit always happen to me?

“Gloria, please leave me alone.” I pleaded.

“Why?” she asked another of her ridiculous questions. “Don’t you want to be a star?”

“No, actually, I don’t” I answered.

Well damn!! She suddenly became extremely agitated!

“You’re throwing away the chance of a lifetime!” she shouted. “The chance of a fucking lifetime!” she repeated.

“Lady, it’s been my lifelong dream to be an abject failure in the music business! I’m just where I dreamed I’d be so….please, leave me the fuck alone!”

By that time, John had joined me at the bar followed closely by Scotty and George.

“I’ll have you know that I discovered Garth Brooks, Brooks and Dunn and Toby Keith!” she was almost screaming.

I looked pleadingly at George and the guys.

“Do ya’ll know her?” I asked.

“Oh yeah…that’s Gloria.” George said. “She’s the first female astronaut to walk on the moon.”

I’m sure my mouth dropped open.

“Tell ole Ron ‘bout that lil old stroll yuns took on the moon Gloria.” John prompted.

Damned if she didn’t stand there and describe, in detail how she had bounced over to Neil Armstrong’s flag and signed her name on it with a blue magic marker.

“You know….it’s hard to hold a magic marker with those big gloves on your hand but, thankfully, they trained us hard on that before we went up there.” She said sincerely.

We all stood there as she rattled on about her imagined experiences in space for several minutes until I finally just walked away leaving her to regale the bar with her fictional exploits.

I walked out the back door and stood there alone.

Dear God!

I began to realize that I had, once again, found yet another nut house to play in!

Why me Lord?

Oh yeah...approximately ten years later, Gloria, this seemingly harmless nutcase that we all laughed at literally beat a dude's brain out with an iron fying pan while in a Listerine induced alcoholic rage and is now awaiting trial for murder at Broughton Hospital in Morganton. My brother in law Bud says she'll get off because, and I quote...

"She'll plead insanity and that crazy bitch has got papers to prove it!!"

Too damned funny.....and TRUE!!

To Be Continued

Read more!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Nick's...The Story Continues

After John had decided that it was in his best interest to sit down, shut up and continue to run up his overdue bar tab, George looked at me.

“Why don’t you play a few more tunes dude?” he smiled. “Hell, you can’t leave us hangin’!”

“Sure.” I said. “But first, I’ve gotta get a Kamikazi.” I said.

George signaled for Shelley, the bartender, to come over.

“Darlin’, get the guitar dude a Kamikazi on the house.” He told her.

“What’s his name?” she asked.

“Ron” I said.

She looked me over for a second.

“You don’t look like a ‘Ron’.” She said.

“I’m gonna hate myself for asking but….what do I look like?” I asked.

She thought about it for a minute. Then she just shook her head and went to make my drink.

About that time, a little old lady walked up.

“Sir, do you know any Eagles songs?” she asked sweetly.

“Yes ma’am…I know a few.” I replied. “What did you have in mind?”

“Do you know, “Desperado”?” she asked.

“Yes ma’am…I love that song.” I said.

She looked at me with a funny little smile and chuckled.

“Well, please don’t play that song!” she said. “My old man thinks he’s a Desperado and he loves that song!”

I laughed.

“So…which Eagle’s song do you want to hear?” I asked.

“I don’t know…you pick one.” She told me.

“Ok, how about, “Hotel California”. I asked.

“Well shit NO!” she spat. “That one is all about devil worship!"

George looked at me with a helpless grin.

“Well ma’am, what would you like me to play?” I asked politely.

She thought about it for a bit.

“How about that one about the wings?” she suggested.

I was thinking but coming up empty.

“C’mon…you know what I’m talking about!” she insisted.

“I’m racking my brain ma’am but, I can’t think of an Eagles song about ‘wings’.” I explained.

She was beginning to become agitated.

“It’s the one about the wind and the wings!” she almost shouted it.

I finally knew what she was talking about!

“Oh yeah, you mean ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’ but…that’s not an Eagles song. It was done by Gary Morris and Bette Midler did it as well.” I said.

She looked at George and hooked her thumb at me.

“Just tell him to sing the friggin’ song George! Ain’t that what he’s here for?” She asked testily. She then just spun around and wobbled back to her table.

George looked at me and chuckled.

“You just met Mary.” He said. “She owns the shop next door and that’s about as sober as you’ll ever see her! The old man sittin’ with her is Albert, her husband.”

“Poor old bastard.” I said.

“Shit, wait till you meet him. He’s a fuckin’ nut.” He said.

Shelley brought my drink and sat it down in front of me.

“Thanks.” I said.

“You look like a Rick to me.” She smiled and walked off.

I looked at George and he grinned.

“Hell, she does that to everybody. According to her, I should be a Mike.” He laughed and turned to John. “Hey John, what’s your ‘Shelley name’?”

John made a ‘why me?’ kind of face.

“The dizzy broad say’s I should be a fuckin’ Archibald!” He said indignantly. “And fuck yuns.....Mikey!”

“Scotty shoulda been a Dennis according to Shelley but, don’t tell him I told you… makes him madder than hell!” George chuckled.

Scotty walked up to me and leaned in close.

“Dude, that little waitress over there LOVES you! You’ve gotta play some more.” He whispered. “She’s the one with the long hair.”

He nodded in the direction of a really cute black haired girl waiting on a table directly behind him. She was hot!!

Well hell….of course I was gonna play some more!

I sat there at the bar and played a bunch of songs taking requests and shootin’ the breeze with my new friends. Before I knew it, it was past one a.m. and everyone was buzzed. I finally told everybody that I was done for the night.

“Oh bullshit! It’s the shank of the evening!” George said. “I ain’t never met a musician who couldn’t stay out late!”

“Yeah well, I don’t mind it either when I’m working but, I ain’t working and I’m going home.” I told him.

“Yuns done got paid a hunnert gotdamned bucks! Hell, if that ain’t getting’ paid, I don’t know what the fuck it is.” John hollered so loud that the whole world could hear.

“Hey....that was for winning the bet you drunk little bastard!” I laughed.

“Yuns is gonna incur mah wrath if yuns keeps on offenden me! He said. “I’ll have yuns know, ahm a fairly dangerous man once I gets mah wrath up!"

Dangerous my achin’ ass John! Hell, there ain’t a woman in this place who couldn’t stomp a friggin’ mudhole in your ass!” Scotty laughed.

John had a shocked look on his face then slowly stood up, turned to wave his arm across the whole room.

Ah has had it! Fuck ALL yuns!” he shouted then slapped the bar and sat back down.

We were all howling!

After the laughter died down, Scotty looked at George.

“Cousin…why don’t hire this old boy to play for real?” he asked.

George looked at me.

“What do you say?” he asked.

“Sure, I like this place.” I responded.

He asked me how much I would charge him per night. I told him.

“Jeez dude, that’s a little on the high side ain’t it?” he asked.

“Speakin’ of ‘high’….I get free beer too.” I laughed.

“Son, you’ve got a high opinion of your worth!” he growled. “I wouldn’t pay James fuckin’ Taylor that much!”

“Well, at least I found a good place to drink and talk shit anyway.” I laughed. “I’m sure I’ll find someplace to play around here.”

“Not for that kind of money.” He snapped.

“George, if yuns don’t hire this old boy, ah may be forced to take my considerable bidness elsewhar!” John said.

“Shelly, get John’s tab settled up. He’s takin’ his business elsewhere!” George deadpanned.

“Now damn it George, don’t get all shitty on me!” John said. “Yuns knows dadgummed well this old boy’s better than any of them other half assed players yuns been havin’ in here!”

“He’s right George. That last one you hired sounded like a fuckin’ cow givin’ birth!” Scotty chimed in.

Shelley walked over.

“George, I vote you hire ole Rick here.” She smiled at him.

“Since when do you get a vote on who I hire?” he snarled. "and his name ain't fuckin' Rick."

She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

“Since I’m the one who has to serve the assholes who come in here to listen to dirt bags like that Dave McCoy dickhead!” she sneered. “I could go back to working for Charlie if you think I’m bein’ too damned bossy!”

“She got yuns there George!” John slapped the bar.

“I’ll tell you what I’ll do….I’ll throw in drinks and dinner if you knock off twenty five bucks.” George grinned at me.

Anything I want to drink and dinner…right?” I asked.

“Yep.” He answered.

“I’ll go for that.” I said.

We shook hands.

“You shoulda took the first price George. I’m a Kamikazi drinkin’ fool!” I laughed.

He hung his head and muttered.

“I always get the shitty end of the stick!”

So…that’s how it all began.

I went on to play at Nick’s almost every weekend and sometimes during the week for over four and a half years. Later on, I also managed the place after Scotty went back to Florida.

I had a ball!

The next night was a memorable one. My first night was a Saturday as I recall. I got my sound system set up early in the day and did a sound check. After I was finished, I went to the office where George was doing paper work.

We sat and talked for a bit until there was a knock on the door. George yelled for whoever it was to come in.

A skinny long haired dude came in smiling.

“Hey George, I thought I was playing here tonight.” He said.

“Well, you thought wrong Dave. We didn’t agree to that.” George said.

“I just thought we had a standing deal George.” Dave said. He was no longer smiling.

“Like I said Dave, you thought wrong. You ain’t bad but, you’ve got a pretty rough bunch that comes in to listen to you. I’ve had complaints so….I’m going with someone else.” He explained.

“Who’d you get to replace me?” he asked angrily.

George pointed to me and I half stood and offered him my hand.

“How’re you doin’ Dave, I’m Ron.” I said.

He just stared at me without shaking my hand.

“I ain’t shakin’ your hand, you took my job.” He said. “I’ve got a family to feed.”

Well, that just PISSED ME OFF!

“First off, I didn’t take your job, George offered it to me. Secondly, if you were feedin’ a family on what this cheap fucker was payin’ you, they must be starvin’ to death.....and third, you’re a fuckin’ jerk.”

George was laughing his ass off.

“Fuck you!” Dave shouted and looked like he was mad enough to fight me.

I laughed.

“Listen Dave, I don’t know you from Adam but you need to take your skinny ass out of here before you do something stupid. There’s gotta be other places for you to play.”

“Fuck you!” he said again.

I stood up but George popped out of his chair and came between us.

“Dave, I was tryin’ to be nice to you but, it ain’t ONLY that crowd of inbred cousin fuckers that follow you around!” He said with a menacing look on his face. “The main reason is that you SUCK!”

Dave just stood there looking shocked.

When he recovered he spoke again.

“I ain’t never had no complaints before.” He whined.

“Well, now you have! Get the fuck out of here and I don’t wanna see you back in here again!” George shouted.

Dave looked stupefied. Not knowing what else to say to George, the moron looked at me a pointed a long skinny finger.

“I ain’t forgettin’ you asshole.” He shouted.

“I’ll always have fond memories of you too Davey boy.” I smiled. “Now, go home and tell the kiddies that you’re back to workin’ on the trash truck!”

He started to say something else but George got in his face. Well, actually, Dave towered over George by a good six inches but that didn’t matter to George.

“Don’t make me tell you again Dave. You know I don’t fuck around….I’ll kick your gotdamned ass all over this office. Now….GO!” he said. “And if you try and start any trouble, I’ll put Scotty on your ass!”

Dave turned and walked away.

George looked at me and grinned.

“Scotty’s just lookin’ for a reason to kick his ass.”

“Looks like I’m makin’ friends fast around here!” I laughed. “That’s a new one on me. What a little prick.

“Yeah well, watch out for him, he’s a low life fucker.” He warned.

“What the hell have you gotten me into?” I asked.

“Ah fuck him….you’re gonna love it here. We’ve got some good folks around here and they’re gonna love your stuff.” He assured me.

Later that night, I came back around eight o’clock and there was a good crowd.

George, John and Scotty were seated in the seats they had occupied the night before. As I approached the bar, John hopped up.

“Ladies and gentlmen, our troubadour has done arrived to entertain us!” he shouted to no one in particular. “Yuns is gonna love this big sumbitch!”

People started clapping and whistling.

I think I actually blushed.

I took a small bow.

“This sumbitch was drunk on his ass when I played here last night so I wouldn’t trust his judgement.” I addressed the room and then took a seat beside George.

“No fucking pressure now is there?” I laughed. “Thanks a lot John.”

I ordered a beer and something to eat.

While I was eating, George asked me when I was going to start playing.

“I don’t know…how about nine or nine thirty?” I asked.

“Why so late?” He asked.

“Well…I have to sort of get in the mood first.” I replied.

“As much as I’m payin’ you, you oughta damn well be in a great fuckin’ mood already!” he snapped.

“George….the man is a gotdamned arteest! Yuns cain’t ‘spect him to punch a damned time clock!” John declared.

“Yeah George.....what John said.” I laughed.

“Arteest my ass!” George growled.

“Chill out George, I’m gonna crank it up soon.” I promised.

I got finished eating, ordered, then consumed a Kamikazi and went to the stage area. The back room was separated from the main restaurant area by a huge see-through window without glass and an open double door so, it wasn’t really separate at all.

The back room contained seating at tables for approximately seventy people and featured a small hardwood dance floor.

As I reached the stage, I could hear the crowd, mostly locals since it wasn’t really tourist season yet.

There was a murmur as I’m sure some folks were wondering who the hell the unknown guy was. As usual when playing a new place, I was pretty nervous.

Just then, George, John, Scotty and several other folks came in and sat down at a group of tables they had pushed together. I didn’t know the four women who were with them but, they were all babes.

John walked up to the stage.

“Hey bro….yuns oughta turn that microphone on at let me introduce yuns to these folks.” He grinned. "Them's my peeps!"

“What you oughta do is shut the hell up.” I told him. “You’ve done enough damage.”

“Why the hell is everybody always tellin’ me to shut up?” he asked. “Ahm a nice guy!”

“You’re a freakin’ nutcase is what you are.” I laughed. “I can introduce myself John.”

He turned away feigning dejection. John’s whole life was lived as though he were playing a role on stage. He was a friggin’ nutcase but…a lovable one.

Everybody loved John.

I strapped on the guitar, sat on my stool and addressed the crowd.

The place was packed. I hoped it would stay that way once I started playing.

“Hi there, I’m the new guy…Ron. If ya’ll don’t like me, remember that it’s John’s fault that I’m here so, blame him not George and Scotty. John said if they didn’t hire me, he would take his liquor business elsewhere and NO bar can take that kind of loss so….here I am.”

Most folks there knew John and of course, he stood up and took several dramatic bows as he basked in the attention and the crowd roared.

I honestly don’t remember the first song I ever played there but, when I got through with it, I realized I had found a home.

The crowd was great. They were the kind of folks you really enjoy playing for. They partied hard but they were really into music.

I played the set out and took a break.

As I was walking through the crowd, a big dark haired guy grabbed my right arm. He was sitting at a table with a bunch of people including a really good looking woman.

She was almost stunningly beautiful.

“Man, we really like the way you play!” He spoke loudly so as to be heard over the crowd and the house music which someone had turned on. “Let me buy you a drink.”

I couldn’t take my eyes off the woman! I had noticed her while I was playing but, with the stage lights in my eyes, I couldn’t see her very well. She was the epitome of the reason they call women ‘attractive’, hell she was damn near magnetic. Not in a flashy way….she was just freaking beautiful.

“Sure, I appreciate it.” I said.

I looked for and found a chair and sat down with them.

“I’m Stub.” He said and offered me his left hand. I shook it as I looked at his right arm which was missing a hand a third of the way up his forearm.

He saw me looking.

Bet you can’t guess how I got the nickname!” he grinned.

I laughed.

“I’m Ron and yeah, I think I can figure it out.” I said.

He introduced me to everyone at the table saving the beautiful woman for last.

“And last but not least, this is my wife Melissa.”

My heart dropped.

“Nice to meet you Melissa but, I wish I’d have met you before you met this guy.” I said.

She smiled.

“Well, I’ll be honest with you Ron….I love your music, you’re very talented and a fine lookin’ fella but, this guy here is THE MAN!” she laughed.

Stub looked at me and grinned.

“Hey, what can I tell you dude?” he asked. “The man upstairs didn’t give me a whole right arm but, he made up for it by giving me dick like a Louisville Slugger!” He said and the whole table howled.

I laughed and looked at Melissa. She grinned and smiled.

“It’s true…that sumbitch can make a donkey hang his head in shame!” She said.

I was laughing my ass off.

I liked these folks.

After hanging out with them a little while, I excused myself and went to the table where George was sitting.

“I see you met Stub and Melissa.” He said.

“Yeah, I didn’t know she was married. Damn, that’s a good lookin’ woman.” I said.

“Yeah she is and Stub’s a hell of good guy.” He said.

George told me to sit down and introduced me to everyone seated at the table.

One of the people he introduced me to was a black haired nice looking young guy with a damned good lookin', big breasted girl seated at his right arm.

His name was Dan. Her name was Diane.

“Nice to meet ya’ll.” I said.

“Hey man, my wife thinks you should be in Nashville. You’re damned good.” He said.

I laughed.

“Yeah well, Nashville don’t agree with ya’ll. I damned near starved to death tryin’ to make it there but…thanks a lot anyway.”

“Well, Nashville’s loss is our gain.” He said. “Do you ever play private parties?”

“Sure.” I said.

“Great!” He said. “How ‘bout Sunday at our place?”

“Well yeah, I suppose so.” I answered.

“Great, here’s my card. Call me Sunday morning and I’ll have someone come over and pick you up and get all your stuff.”

“OK.” I said tentatively. “Shouldn’t we talk money before you commit?”

“Nah….I can afford you, I’m a member of the lucky sperm club dude. I’m loaded ‘cause my Daddy is loaded!” He laughed. “Just come ready to have some fun.”

“Well, I’m not tryin’ to be rude here Dan but, I’ve heard that kind of shit before and got stiffed.” I said honestly.

“Ron, this lucky mutherfucker’s a gotdamned billionaire.” George said. “God comes to him for loans!”

“No shit?” I asked.

Dan looked at me and grinned kind of sheepishly.

“No shit man, it’s sickening to have so much money that I really don’t deserve but, fuck it…it’s my cross to bear!” He laughed. “Hey, somebody has to be the rich guys son…so…I guess I’m it!”

I laughed.

“Well, if George vouches for you, I guess I’m cool with it. When do you want me there?” I asked.

“I’ll have someone come get you about four in the afternoon.” He said. “I tell you what…I’m gonna give you whatever cash I’ve got in my pocket…..if that’s not enough to suit you….I’ll double it.”

Being the greedy bastard I am, I figured that would be a great deal!

“Ok.” I said.

He reached into his front left pants pocket and came up empty. He tried the right one. Again empty. He reached in his back pocket, whipped out a wallet and extracted an amount of money which left me speechless……..seventeen dollars!

He looked at me and smiled.

“Hey man, that’s how rich people get rich….we screw the little guys!” he laughed.

I should have been mad but, a deal was a deal and…I had been outwitted. Besides, I liked the guy’s style.

He was funny.

“Ok…it’s a deal but, you know you’ve gotta pay the big bucks right?” I laughed. “You said you would double it if I didn’t like the amount so…you’re payin’ me the whole $34.00 bucks asshole!"

Well hell, you’de have thought I’d had said something REALLY hilarious!

He laughed and slapped the table.

“Ok…$34.00 it is but, you better be ready to fuckin’ PERFORM dude! Hell, I heard someone say that you can get Travis friggin’ Tritt for $45.00!”

I just laughed….I had the feeling that this was gonna be a great party!

Hell, I’d have played it for free just to see what a billionaire party was like!

To Be Continued Ya’ll….I’m exhausted!!! Michelle and I got lost in the woods on our own friggin’ property today! I’m not kidding. Molly, our little cocker spaniel, took off after a deer today and headed up the mountain in hot persuit.

She was gone for a long time so, Michelle aka Superwoman decided to go search for her.

I.... like the moron I am, decided to accompany her. The woods are so overgrown on the mountain above our house that, once up the hill a ways….we got turned around in the thicket of laurel, rhododendron, thorns and underbrush and it took us an hour or more to get back to the old lumber road which leads to the back of our house!

It was a lot of fun but….tiring.

It was a great day for making memories!

See ya'll tomorrow.

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Sunday, October 01, 2006


Sorry ya'll. I've been preoccupied with other stuff but will continue "Nick's" sometime tomorrow.

Lord! What a PERFECT day here today! Michelle and I had a great day together blogging!

Thanks for all the cool comments ya'll.

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