Rons Rants

A Blog Is A Self-Inflicted Invasion Of Privacy

Location: Newland, North Carolina, United States

I'm a fifty two year old happily married man who doesn't really like many people which is why I live on the top of a mountain.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Never Say...."Go Ahead And Shoot!" Part Two

Well, believe it or not, Gene did exactly what he told Steve he would do. He had the bar back in shape the next day. Of course, he had plenty of help because Steve, Randy S., Ronnie B. and myself showed up to help him. Of course, Marion was nowhere to be found but as far as anyone knew…she hadn’t been locked up after the ‘incident’.

Gene was as morbid as an undertaker as we labored to put the place back together. He thanked everyone for helping out but aside from that, he may as well not have been there. Oh, he worked liked hell but he didn’t say much.

Around noon, Valerie (Steve’s ‘sorta-kinda’ girlfriend) showed up with a bunch of fried chicken so, we took a break, ate lunch and drank beer.

Making a lame attempt at conversation, I asked Gene how he was doing.

He gave me a weak grin.

“Ron….what if I don’t see her again?” He asked.

I couldn’t believe my ears.

“I know what you said last night Gene and I’m not tryin’ to yank your chain here but you ain’t lucky enough to never see Marion again.” I laughed. “She’ll show up again real soon.”

He totally ignored the first part of my comment. His face lit up like a little kid opening a birthday present.

“You think so?” He asked excitedly.

I looked at him but kept my mouth shut.

Immediately, he perked up and I swear…for the rest of the day, he was the same old Gene. Crackin’ jokes, talking trash and working hard.

I left the merry little band of handymen around five o’clock after telling them that I had to get ready to play that night. Of course, I caught hell for bailing out but….I left anyway.

Ten minutes later, I pulled into my driveway and who should be waiting for me?

You guessed it.


She came out of her car and headed straight toward me before I could even kill the ignition. She stood beside the car and stared at me as I rolled up the window and opened the door.

“Hello Marion…..what the hell are you doing here?” I asked.

“I want to talk to you.” She said sweetly. “About last night.”

I walked to the house with Marion following. As I got to the door, I turned and asked her to leave me alone.

Of course, it went in one ear and out the other. She followed me inside as I opened the door.

I spun around to face her.

“Marion, I’ve spent the whole day helping Gene and the boys rebuild the front of Steve’s place.” I began. “I’m hot, tired, thirsty AND I’m in a hurry so go the hell home and be glad you aren’t in jail.”

She laughed.

“I knew Stevie wouldn’t be mad at me for that little accident.” She purred.

“Girl….you’re a moron. If it weren’t for Gene promising to fix the damage, Steve would have called the cops last night.” I informed her.

“Well bless ole Gene’s heart. What a nice fellow he is.” She grinned. “I think Gene wants to get in my tight little jeans.”

She cackled as though she had said something really clever.

“Well…that’s between you and Gene now…I’ve gotta get busy so let yourself out.” I said as I headed towards the bathroom.

“I said I wanted to talk to you!” She demanded.

“Okay… talk but please…..make it quick!” I snapped.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry about all those things I said and for smashin’ up your car.” She smiled like a little angel. “I really am.”

I started to say something argumentative but, knowing Marion, it would do no good.

“Okay….apology accepted now…will you get out of here so I can get ready?”

She smiled again.

“Aren’t we going to the club together?” She asked.

“No Marion….we ain’t going to the club together.” I laughed.

“So you’re still mad at me?”

“No, I’m not mad at you but I don’t want to put up with anymore of your crazy shit. You really need to get some help Marion.” I was trying to be helpful. Really….I WAS. She was a friggin’ nut but basically, she was a good person.

Well hell! I may as well have called her Mama a whore or something.

“Fuck YOU asshole!” She screamed and headed for the door. Just as she jerked the door open, she spun around and screamed again.


With that, she left the house and shortly thereafter I heard her car roar out of the driveway.

I laughed and locked the front door before going to get ready to play that night.

Later that night, I was standing outside of the honky tonk where I was playing talking with a friend of mine when I saw Gene’s car pull into the parking lot. I watched as he parked, exited the car and raced around to open the passenger door. I could only groan when I saw Marion emerge from the car like some Hollywood celebrity who’d come slumming.

She was decked out in tight fitting white jeans, a black tube top and a white jacket with silver stuff all over. Of course, she wore her obligatory stiletto heels.

Did I mention that she was HOT?

Hey….give me a break! This WAS the late seventies after all! Her attire may have been a bit gaudy but DAMN that woman was good lookin’!

I almost panicked as Gene and Marion came strolling toward me. As they approached me, Gene broke into a huge grin that was matched only by Marion’s.

“What’s up my friend?” He howled and reached for my hand.

I shook hands with him and Marion gave me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

What the hell?

Well, to make a long story short…..everything went absolutely well from there on.

Hell, Marion even cornered me later that night and apologized AGAIN for her strange behavior and informed me that she wasn’t mad at me anymore and that she only hoped that we would remain friends!

Needless to say, I was a bit leery but…..things actually went well from there.

During that time, I remember that Gene and Marion seemed extremely happy. So happy in fact, that she moved in to the old house that Gene had been renovating. They would come in the bar almost every afternoon and have a few drinks, always doting on each other and having a good time but they would always go home before nine o’clock or so. In short….they seemed to be a perfectly happy couple.

This went on for a few months and everything seemed to be going well.

Until strange things began happening.

Strange you ask?

Okay…how’s this for strange?

One afternoon, Marion came in the bar and had several drinks without saying much of anything to anyone. Gene was not with her.

After a while, I asked her where Gene was.

I’m not making this up folks….this is what happened next.

Marion looked at me with a sly grin.

“He’s in the basement.” She said.

I knew that Gene had a great little shop in his basement so…idiot me…I assumed that he was building cabinets, routing chair rails or some such stuff.


“So…what’s he up to?” I asked.

“Oh….nothin’ much right now.” She chuckled. “I chained his ass to the water heater.”

I thought I had misunderstood at first.

By the tone of her voice and actions, she may have well have said that he was curled up by the fire reading a good book!

“You WHAT?”

She cackled like a semi-drunk crow.

“I said I chained his ass to the GOTDAMN water heater!”

Several folks at the bar decided that this was a much better topic of conversation than what they had previously been engaged in.

Ronnie B., a regular who like nothing better than to involve himself in other people’s business spoke up.

“Did I hear you say that you chained Gene to the water heater?” He asked at the top of his lungs.

Marion looked at him and snarled.

“You heard me right fat boy!” She roared. “I might just go back home and shoot his ass!”

Knowing Marion’s tendency’s I thought that I might try and talk her down from her obviously dangerous mood.

“Damn girl…what did Gene do?”

She propped her arms up on the bar and stared at me.

“That sonofabitch has been strung out on THC for three days now and he’s getting’ MEAN!” She said dejectedly.

She really seemed bummed out….not crazy.

“How the hell did you get him chained up?” I asked. Hell, I really wanted to know how she had managed that.

She laughed for a second and then took a drink

She motioned me closer and leaned towards me.

“You’re gonna LOVE this shit Ron….I’m serious….this is too cool.” She giggled.

She wasn't immediately forthcoming so I prodded her.

“What?” I implored.

She laughed.

“Well….He’s been fucked up as hell for awhile now. He’s even taken leave from work and been stoned as a nine eyed monkey the whole time.” She began. “Last night, he went downstairs and started bitching about the water heater. It had been leaking and he claimed that it wasn’t level.”

She started laughing harder.

“Well, after hearing this for an hour or so, I went down with him and looked at the damned water heater. Hell, it WAS leaking but only a tiny bit but he was going on as if it was the fuckin’ Jonestown flood!” She said and took another drink.

I was laughing now and dying to hear the end of the tale.

“To make a long story short, before it was over, he was being totally weird about it and ran to get a level off of the work bench and sprawled out on the floor beside the water heater. Within seconds, he was trying to reach around the heater with the level when he screamed at me to help him. I didn’t know what to do so I just sat there for a second. After a bit, the sonofabitch started really goin’ nuts so…..I ran back upstairs.” She just shook her head.

I waited for her to compose her thoughts and finally she spoke again.

“When I got upstairs, I thought about calling the cops but damn it Ron….he needs HELP! He needs to get off of all that shit he’s been shooting!” She began sobbing.

Again…I gave her another minute or so before prodding her.

“Marion! What the hell did you do?”

She sat up straight and glared at me.

“I went back to the basement to try and talk with him but he was out cold.” She said. “The bastard passed out hugging the damn water heater!”

“Sooooo?” I cajoled.

“I got a pair of handcuffs…” She began but then shot me a mean look. “Don’t ask asshole!” She snarled.

“Anyway…..I got a pair of handcuffs and chained his drug addicted ass to the friggin’ water heater.” She said. “He’s been there since eleven last night.” She added as an afterthought.

Holy Shit!

The poor guy had been chained to a damned water heater in a hundred year old basement for more than eighteen hours?

Oh yeah....the plot thickens!

To Be Continued Soon..............

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